Thursday, June 21, 2007

My Last Will & Testament......


To my wife: My overdraft at the bank. Maybe she can explain it.

To my son: Equity on my car. Now he will have to go to work to meet the payments.

To my banker: My soul. He has the mortgage on it anyway.

To my neighbor: My clown suit. He will need it if he continues to farm as he has in the past.

To the farm credit corporation: My unpaid bills. They took some real chances on me. I want to do something for them.

To the junk man: All my machinery. He's had his eyes on it for years.

To my undertaker: A special request. I want six implement dealers and six fertilizer dealers for pallbearers. They are used to carrying me.

To the weatherman: Rain, hail and snow for the funeral please. No sense in having good weather now.

To the grave digger: Don't bother. The hole I'm in now should be big enough.

And lastly

To the monument maker: Set up a jig for the epitaph. "Here lies a farmer who has now properly assumed all of his obligations."


She's in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast, when he walks in.

She turns and says, "You have to make love to me -- this very moment."

His eyes light up and he thinks, "Holy Smoke - this is my lucky day!"

Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraces her and then gives it his all, on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she says, "Thanks," and returns to the stove.

More than a little puzzled, he asks, "What was that all about?"

She explains, "The egg timer's broken."

Maggot Medicine

Subway Super Bike Jump

Police unveil three-wheeled patrol scooters

This electric three-wheeled scooter could soon be patrolling a street near you. The machine, known as the T3 personal mobility vehicle, is designed to allow officers to cover a greater amount of ground than on foot. It has a top speed of 25mph, a range of more than 20 miles and is equipped with a police siren and red and blue flashing lights. Already used by some forces in the U.S., the £4,500 scooter was unveiled at the Association of Chief Police Officers' annual conference in Manchester, where PC Colin Chamberlain became the first British officer to test drive it. He said: "It's great. It would be excellent to use in the city centre. It's nice and smooth and pretty nippy." Others were less impressed with the machine, which bears some resemblance to Sir Clive Sinclair's ill-fated C5 electric car. One senior officer said: "It looks like a tricycle for kids or a space-age mobility aid and I can see it provoking mirth on the streets."

Man gets 220 years for sexually abusing children
Thursday, Jun 21, 2007

A man was sentenced to at least 220 years in state prison for numerous sex crimes against two children. "I could sentence you to over 500 years," Jefferson County Judge John Foradora told Douglas D. Kesslar on Wednesday. "Out of all the child sex cases I've had ... this case has the worst, twisted, heinous and cruel set of facts I've ever seen."

Foradora sentenced Kesslar to 20 to 40 years on each of 11 counts of rape of a child.

A jury in October convicted Kesslar, 46, of Punxsutawney, of 89 sex crimes against the children, who were 8 and 10 at the time. The abuse took place in 2004 and 2005, authorities said.

Kesslar also threatened his victims with his own suicide and used witchcraft and black magic to intimidate them, the judge said.

N.Z. Couple Can't Name Their Son "4real"

WELLINGTON, New Zealand (AP) - New Zealand authorities have blocked a couple's bid to officially name their new son "4real," saying numerals are not allowed.
Pat and Sheena Wheaton said they decided to name their new baby "4real" shortly after having an ultrasound and being struck by the reality of his impending arrival.
But when the parents filed the name with New Zealand's Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages, they were told names beginning with a number were against the rules.
The government office has opened negotiations with the parents about the name under a policy that says all unusual names must be given case-by-case consideration.

A dog that covers herself up in bed

BMW with Options

Stiff Competition

Vibrating Condom

Camel Toe

Just For Laughs

Are people really this stupid?

Chaser – 9/11 Quiz
Australian TV show The Chaser recently went to New York and asked some American citizens what date the September 11 attacks occurred on.

Americans are Stupid (STRONG LANGUAGE)