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You did say you saw a car, "Where?"
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Change
There’s an old Marine Corps tale about a lieutenant who inspected his Marines in the field, and afterward told the ‘Gunny’ that the men smelled bad. The lieutenant’s suggested solution was for the men to change their underwear.
The Gunny responded, ‘Yes sir, I’ll see to it immediately!’
The Gunny went straight to the squad tent and announced, ‘The lieutenant thinks you guys smell bad, and wants you to change your underwear. Smith, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowsky, and Brown, you change with Schultz. Now get to it!’
THE MORAL: A candidate may promise ‘change’ in Washington , but don’t count on things smelling any better.
The Gunny responded, ‘Yes sir, I’ll see to it immediately!’
The Gunny went straight to the squad tent and announced, ‘The lieutenant thinks you guys smell bad, and wants you to change your underwear. Smith, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowsky, and Brown, you change with Schultz. Now get to it!’
THE MORAL: A candidate may promise ‘change’ in Washington , but don’t count on things smelling any better.
Chewbacca Auditions - NSFW
Not everyone has what it takes to be Chewbacca. - NSFW
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Chewbacca Auditions 1
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Chewbacca Auditions 2 -Extended Version
Chewbacca Auditions 1
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Chewbacca Auditions 2 -Extended Version
Man wearing underwear ignites fireworks
Authorities in Mount Isa, Australia, said a man was arrested after he allegedly ran down the street in his underwear with firecrackers strapped to his head.Mount Isa Superintendent Les Hopkins said the 22-year-old man allegedly ran up and down Camooweal Street in the city center wearing only his underwear and a bicycle helmet with detonating firecrackers bound to it.
He was running close to one of our main roads, where the big road trains travel. It could have been quite tragic.
Drink Your Cigarettes to beat the Smoking Ban
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A drink which aims to deliver the same fix as cigarettes is being launched in Britain to help smokers beat the cigarette ban in pubs. The drink, called Liquid Smoking, has already proved a hit in the Netherlands where it has been on sale for a year.
The manufacturers say it does not contain the drug nicotine, but rather a mix of roots from South African plants which is said to give "a slight energizing effect, followed by a euphoric sense of calming and relaxation." People might use this instead of a cigarette or tobacco to help the cravings. He added: "It will take the edge off of a need for nicotine for between one to four hours.
The manufacturers say it does not contain the drug nicotine, but rather a mix of roots from South African plants which is said to give "a slight energizing effect, followed by a euphoric sense of calming and relaxation." People might use this instead of a cigarette or tobacco to help the cravings. He added: "It will take the edge off of a need for nicotine for between one to four hours.
Spicy pork sausage found in 'diapers'
Customs officials are reminding area residents not to bring "chorizo" sausage from Mexico into the United States.U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP) officers seized one and a half pounds of Mexican chorizo at the Hidalgo-Reynosa International Bridge.
Customs officials said an inspection revealed that a 21-year-old Mission woman hid the pork sausage in baby diapers.
Officers seized the chorizo sausage and fined the woman $300.
Small Bits of News You Didn’t Know you Needed
Hotel accused of serving "SHIT"
A Sydney pub has been accused of serving ice cream contaminated with human excrement to a family of five.
The Whyte family claim they were served a large bowl of ice cream covering what looked like "compacted chocolate".
They claim that when Jessia Whyte tasted the dessert she immediately became "violently ill".
"The minute I put the spoon to my lips the stench went through my nostrils. I retched and spat it into the napkin," Mrs Whyte told the Australian Sunday Telegraph.
"My friend thought I was over-reacting, but when she smelt it, she started screaming 'Oh my god, they've served us s***'."
The Coogee Bay Hotel on the city's southern beaches has strongly denied the accusation.
General manager Tony Williams offered the family AUS$5,000 (£2,000) without admitting liability, but the offer was rejected. The family are now said to be suing the pub for AUS$1,000,000 (£400,000).
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Inmate smuggles drugs into jail in his "ASS"
First a cop notices smoke coming from cell number A412B at Pasco County Jail.
Smelled like cigarettes, which are banned.
So the cop pats him down and finds Loritab and Xanax pills, cigarettes, rolling papers and matches -- in the front of his underwear.
Before landing in the cooler, the inmate, no stranger to a jail cell, had filled two "Happy Birthday!" balloons with the contraband and hid them in his rectum.
Alberto Camareno filled two "Happy Birthday!" balloons with contraband and then hid them inside his rectum to smuggle them inside the jail. Once he was booked, Camareno retrieved the balloons and got the goods — which before consumption were about eight pills, 20 cigarettes, plus the papers and matches.
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Driver follows sat-nav into lake
A Polish driver steered his mini bus straight into a lake - after his sat-nav told him to.
Police got a frantic call from the bus driver as he called from the Mercedes van screaming that he and his two passengers were drowning. He managed to say that he had driven into a lake and he was sinking fast.
"He said he had two passengers but he couldn't open the doors - and then he got cut off."
Police, fire and ambulance services rushed to the lake and found the driver and his passengers perched on the top of the mini-bus's roof.
"There used to be a road there until last year until the local water company flooded the valley to build a new reservoir lake," said one police source.
"It seems that the GPS hadn't been updated and was still showing a usable road running through where the lake now is. It's a huge lake and it's hard to imagine how you could ignore or not see it, but he certainly managed it.
"The driver had such faith in his sat-nav that he didn't even notice all the traffic signs saying the road had been closed," they added.
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The chef who is allergic to water
So, after 23 years in the kitchen, he has hung up his apron for good.
Andy Laughton has been forced to wash his hands of his job as a chef after discovering he is allergic to water.
Mr Laughton started getting itchy hands whenever he was working and soon the itching broke into hives.
The five-star hotel chef started using latex gloves - only to discover he was also allergic to the lanoline and nickel used in their manufacture.
After a battery of hospital tests, the 39-year-old was diagnosed with the rare condition aquagenic urticaria.
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Customs officers find pot hidden in rope
A 24-year-old Houston man is behind bars after he allegedly tried to smuggle 48 pounds of marijuana into the United States.
Customs officers at the Pharr-Reynosa International Bridge said the marijuana was found hidden inside a heavy roll of rope.
The driver was fined $10,000 and transferred to a local jail where he could face state criminal charges.
The man's 44-year-old passenger was not charged but was required to appear before U.S. Immigration Judge.
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Croatian women taken to court for falling off bike
A elderly Croatian women has been ordered to pay court and police fees and received an official warning after she fell off her bicycle.
The 69-year-old woman admitted causing a traffic accident before a court at Zabok, near Zagreb, although no-one else was involved in the incident.
The court did not fine the woman since she pleaded guilty but said that she had failed to "adjust the speed to road condition," and ordered her to pay 440 kunas in fees out of her 2,300 kuna (318 euro, 407 dollar) pension.
The accident, in which the woman suffered minor injuries, happened last July but the court only sent out its verdict earlier this month.
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A Sydney pub has been accused of serving ice cream contaminated with human excrement to a family of five.
The Whyte family claim they were served a large bowl of ice cream covering what looked like "compacted chocolate".
They claim that when Jessia Whyte tasted the dessert she immediately became "violently ill".
"The minute I put the spoon to my lips the stench went through my nostrils. I retched and spat it into the napkin," Mrs Whyte told the Australian Sunday Telegraph.
"My friend thought I was over-reacting, but when she smelt it, she started screaming 'Oh my god, they've served us s***'."
The Coogee Bay Hotel on the city's southern beaches has strongly denied the accusation.
General manager Tony Williams offered the family AUS$5,000 (£2,000) without admitting liability, but the offer was rejected. The family are now said to be suing the pub for AUS$1,000,000 (£400,000).
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Inmate smuggles drugs into jail in his "ASS"
First a cop notices smoke coming from cell number A412B at Pasco County Jail.
Smelled like cigarettes, which are banned.
So the cop pats him down and finds Loritab and Xanax pills, cigarettes, rolling papers and matches -- in the front of his underwear.
Before landing in the cooler, the inmate, no stranger to a jail cell, had filled two "Happy Birthday!" balloons with the contraband and hid them in his rectum.
Alberto Camareno filled two "Happy Birthday!" balloons with contraband and then hid them inside his rectum to smuggle them inside the jail. Once he was booked, Camareno retrieved the balloons and got the goods — which before consumption were about eight pills, 20 cigarettes, plus the papers and matches.
.
Driver follows sat-nav into lake
A Polish driver steered his mini bus straight into a lake - after his sat-nav told him to.
Police got a frantic call from the bus driver as he called from the Mercedes van screaming that he and his two passengers were drowning. He managed to say that he had driven into a lake and he was sinking fast.
"He said he had two passengers but he couldn't open the doors - and then he got cut off."
Police, fire and ambulance services rushed to the lake and found the driver and his passengers perched on the top of the mini-bus's roof.
"There used to be a road there until last year until the local water company flooded the valley to build a new reservoir lake," said one police source.
"It seems that the GPS hadn't been updated and was still showing a usable road running through where the lake now is. It's a huge lake and it's hard to imagine how you could ignore or not see it, but he certainly managed it.
"The driver had such faith in his sat-nav that he didn't even notice all the traffic signs saying the road had been closed," they added.
Picture
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The chef who is allergic to water
So, after 23 years in the kitchen, he has hung up his apron for good.
Andy Laughton has been forced to wash his hands of his job as a chef after discovering he is allergic to water.
Mr Laughton started getting itchy hands whenever he was working and soon the itching broke into hives.
The five-star hotel chef started using latex gloves - only to discover he was also allergic to the lanoline and nickel used in their manufacture.
After a battery of hospital tests, the 39-year-old was diagnosed with the rare condition aquagenic urticaria.
Picture
.
Customs officers find pot hidden in rope
A 24-year-old Houston man is behind bars after he allegedly tried to smuggle 48 pounds of marijuana into the United States.
Customs officers at the Pharr-Reynosa International Bridge said the marijuana was found hidden inside a heavy roll of rope.
The driver was fined $10,000 and transferred to a local jail where he could face state criminal charges.
The man's 44-year-old passenger was not charged but was required to appear before U.S. Immigration Judge.
Picture
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Croatian women taken to court for falling off bike
A elderly Croatian women has been ordered to pay court and police fees and received an official warning after she fell off her bicycle.
The 69-year-old woman admitted causing a traffic accident before a court at Zabok, near Zagreb, although no-one else was involved in the incident.
The court did not fine the woman since she pleaded guilty but said that she had failed to "adjust the speed to road condition," and ordered her to pay 440 kunas in fees out of her 2,300 kuna (318 euro, 407 dollar) pension.
The accident, in which the woman suffered minor injuries, happened last July but the court only sent out its verdict earlier this month.
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