1. Blaming your farts on me, not funny, not funny at all!
2 Yelling at me for barking... I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT!
3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?
4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose... stop it!
5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw.What a proud moment for the top of the food chain.
7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip" and then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!
8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
9. Dog sweaters... Hello, haven’t you noticed the fur?
10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.
Now lay off me on some of these things. We both know whose boss here!!! You don't see me picking up your poop do you???
Thursday, July 5, 2007
All I want was McDonalds
Dispatchers use fast-food delivery ruse to track down girl, 4, who called 911 nearly 300 times
CARPENTERSVILLE, Ill. (AP) --- Authorities tracked down a 4-year-old girl who called 911 nearly 300 times last month by offering to deliver McDonald's to her suburban Chicago apartment. Unbeknownst to her mother, the girl used a deactivated cell phone to call dispatchers 287 times in June -- sometimes as often as 20 times a shift. Dispatchers heard the child's voice but could only track the phone's signal to the apartment complex. So authorities used a ruse to pinpoint her. "We asked (the caller) what she wanted. She said she wanted McDonald's," said Steve Cordes, executive director of QuadCom's emergency center, which covers Carpentersville. "We talked with her and we convinced her if she told us where she lives, we would bring her McDonald's," he said. "She finally gave us her address. So we sent the police over -- with no McDonald's. "After police arrived, the girl's mother took away the phone, Cordes said.Under federal law, deactivated cell phones still must be able to access 911. Many deactivated phones will contact an emergency call center if the user holds down the nine key.
CARPENTERSVILLE, Ill. (AP) --- Authorities tracked down a 4-year-old girl who called 911 nearly 300 times last month by offering to deliver McDonald's to her suburban Chicago apartment. Unbeknownst to her mother, the girl used a deactivated cell phone to call dispatchers 287 times in June -- sometimes as often as 20 times a shift. Dispatchers heard the child's voice but could only track the phone's signal to the apartment complex. So authorities used a ruse to pinpoint her. "We asked (the caller) what she wanted. She said she wanted McDonald's," said Steve Cordes, executive director of QuadCom's emergency center, which covers Carpentersville. "We talked with her and we convinced her if she told us where she lives, we would bring her McDonald's," he said. "She finally gave us her address. So we sent the police over -- with no McDonald's. "After police arrived, the girl's mother took away the phone, Cordes said.Under federal law, deactivated cell phones still must be able to access 911. Many deactivated phones will contact an emergency call center if the user holds down the nine key.
USA! USA! American wins hot dog title over six-time champ
He had just inhaled a staggering 66 hot dogs in 12 minutes --- an average of one every 10.9 seconds -- to seize the world's hot dog eating championship from a six-time titlist. But if his victory was gut-wrenching for spectators, Joey Chestnut himself wasn't feeling it.
"If I needed to eat another one right now, I could," the 23-year-old Californian said after receiving the mustard-yellow belt emblematic of hot dog eating supremacy.
Chestnut -- the great red, white and blue hope in Coney Island's annual Fourth of July competition -- broke his own world record Wednesday to take the title, knocking off reigning winner Takeru Kobayashi in a showdown that combined drama, daring and indigestion.
Kobayashi, the Japanese eating machine, recently had a wisdom tooth extracted and received chiropractic treatment due to a sore jaw.
But the winner of the last six Nathan's hot dog competitions showed no ill effects as he stayed with Chestnut frank-for-frank until the very end of the 12-minute competition.
Once the contest ended, the runner-up suffered a reversal -- competitive eating-speak for barfing -- that led to a deduction from his final total. Kobayashi finished with 63 HDBs (hot dogs and buns eaten) in his best performance ever.
"If I needed to eat another one right now, I could," the 23-year-old Californian said after receiving the mustard-yellow belt emblematic of hot dog eating supremacy.
Chestnut -- the great red, white and blue hope in Coney Island's annual Fourth of July competition -- broke his own world record Wednesday to take the title, knocking off reigning winner Takeru Kobayashi in a showdown that combined drama, daring and indigestion.
Kobayashi, the Japanese eating machine, recently had a wisdom tooth extracted and received chiropractic treatment due to a sore jaw.
But the winner of the last six Nathan's hot dog competitions showed no ill effects as he stayed with Chestnut frank-for-frank until the very end of the 12-minute competition.
Once the contest ended, the runner-up suffered a reversal -- competitive eating-speak for barfing -- that led to a deduction from his final total. Kobayashi finished with 63 HDBs (hot dogs and buns eaten) in his best performance ever.
Al Gore was arrested on suspicion of drug possession
Al Gore III, the 24-year-old son of Al Gore was arrested on suspicion of drug possession today. The former second-in-command's son was pulled over after allegedly driving his Prius 100 miles an hour down an Orange County freeway. (At least he was driving a Prius!) When deputies searched the car they found pot, along with Valium, Xanax, Vicodin and Adderall. He is currently being held at the Santa Ana Inmate Reception Center on $20,000 bail.This isn't Gore III's first arrest. He was charged with marijuana possession in 2003 and was ticketed for reckless driving in 2000 and 2002.
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