Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Calling From Hell
Queen Elizabeth II, George W Bush & Robert Mugabe died & went straight to hell.
.Queen Elizabeth II said "I miss Britain, I want to call Britain and see how everybody is doing there. She called and talked for about 5 minutes, then her Majesty asked "Well, Devil how much do I owe you? The devil replied "Five million dollars" She wrote him a cheque and went to sit back on her chair.
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George Bush was so jealous, he began screaming, "My turn! I wanna call the United States, I want to see how everybody is doing there too" He called and talked for about 10 minutes, then he asked "Well, Devil how much do I owe you? The devil replied "Ten million dollars" With a smug look on his face, he made a cheque and went to sit back on his chair.
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Robert Mugabe was even more jealous & started screaming, "I want to call Zimbabwe, I want to see how everybody is doing there. I wanna talk to the ministers, to the deputy, I wanna talk to everybody". He called Zimbabwe and he talked for about twenty hours, he talked & talked & talked, then he asked "Well, Devil how much do I owe you? The devil replied "One dollar". Mugabe is stunned & says "One dollar??? Only one lousy dollar??" The Devil says "Well if you make a call from hell to another hell, it's local"
Sweet Jesus
A group on nuns were traveling in a car when it got a flat tire. They got out and tried to change it, but being rather unworldly did not know how to do it.
Luckily, a truck came along and the male driver offered to change it for them. They gladly accepted. As the trucker jacked up the car, it slipped from the jack. “Son of a bitch,” he yelled.
The eldest nun said to him, “That is not nice language. We understand that you are upset, but you mustn’t use such language.”
“Sorry, Sister”, he said, and tried again. Again it slipped, this time almost mashing his fingers. “Son of a bitch,” he yelled again.
“Please, don’t use such language. If changing our tire is causing you to do so, it would be better if you didn’t help us.”
“But I get so upset, and it just comes out.”
“Well,” said the nun, “say something else when you get upset, something like ‘Sweet Jesus, help me’”.
So the trucker tried to jack up the car again. Again it slipped.
He started to say “So...”, but he corrected himself and said, “Sweet Jesus help me.” At that, the car just lifted up into the air by itself.
The nuns looked at the car floating a foot above the ground and in unison exclaimed, “Son of a bitch!”
Luckily, a truck came along and the male driver offered to change it for them. They gladly accepted. As the trucker jacked up the car, it slipped from the jack. “Son of a bitch,” he yelled.
The eldest nun said to him, “That is not nice language. We understand that you are upset, but you mustn’t use such language.”
“Sorry, Sister”, he said, and tried again. Again it slipped, this time almost mashing his fingers. “Son of a bitch,” he yelled again.
“Please, don’t use such language. If changing our tire is causing you to do so, it would be better if you didn’t help us.”
“But I get so upset, and it just comes out.”
“Well,” said the nun, “say something else when you get upset, something like ‘Sweet Jesus, help me’”.
So the trucker tried to jack up the car again. Again it slipped.
He started to say “So...”, but he corrected himself and said, “Sweet Jesus help me.” At that, the car just lifted up into the air by itself.
The nuns looked at the car floating a foot above the ground and in unison exclaimed, “Son of a bitch!”
Sexy paper lingerie a hit for the Chinese dead
Sexy lingerie sets have reportedly become a hit among Malaysia's ethnic Chinese, who buy them to offer to their dead relatives on the Qingming Festival this Friday. To mark the day, Chinese traditionally tend the graves of their departed loved ones and often burn paper money, model houses, cars, mobile phones and other goods as offerings to honor them and keep them comfortable in the afterlife."Most customers find them cute and would usually add a few sets to go with other paper clothing and items such as dresses, bags and shoes for their female family members to use in the other world," she said.Bra Bag
Apart from its original purpose, it's amazing what you can do with a bra.A new designer handbag company is recycling old bras and costume jewelry to fashion unique handbags.
Two Russian Journalists Cooked an Egg with their Cell Phones
Vladimir Lagovski and Andrei Moiseynko from Komsomolskaya Pravda Newspaper in Moscow decided to learn first-hand how harmful cell phones are. There is no magic in cooking with your cell phone. The secret is in the radio waves that the cell phone radiates. The journalists created a simple microwave structure as shown in the picture. They called from one cell phone to the other and left both phones on talking mode. They placed a tape recorder next to phones to imitate sounds of speaking so the phones would stay on.
After, 15 minutes: The egg became slightly warm. .
25 minutes: The egg became very warm.
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40 minutes: The egg became very hot.
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65 minutes: The egg was cooked. (As you can see.)
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Conclusion:
To cook your brain, It would take a several hours non stop talking on a cell phone.
TimO said...
Nice to see in Russia they celebrate April Fool's Day too....
Small Bits of News
Bank Robber Left Behind Photo IDThe police said that Cory L. Brown, 26, of Brooklyn, robbed banks on Saturday and Sunday — and then left numerous forms of identification behind.
If only all bank robbers were so considerate, the police would have an easier time of it.
The New York City police announced this afternoon that they are searching for one Cory L. Brown, a 26-year-old homeless man who has been staying in a shelter in Brooklyn, for robbing about $3,800 from two banks over the weekend.
Man tries to rob restaurant, then orders meal
A Kalispell man will now be facing a slew of charges after allegedly attempting to rob Taco Johns with a replica of a Glock tactical pistol.
A Kalispell man will now be facing a slew of charges after allegedly attempting to rob Taco Johns with a replica of a Glock tactical pistol.
Officials with the Kalispell Police Department say that Shane Roe, 24, entered the business on Monday afternoon, displayed his pistol and then demanded free food. The employee refused, and then Roe is said to have laughed and demanded money from the register. The employee refused again. Roe then placed an order, paid for it and sat down with his female companion.
Officers later found Roe outside the Kalispell Center Mall and when he tried to hide his gun from view, he was arrested at gunpoint. The gun was later determined to be an air-soft pistol.
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Bounced check leads to bank robbery charge in S.C.
SPARTANBURG, S.C. — Authorities say a man robbed a bank in South Carolina after the $173 check he tried to cash bounced. Police say the man gave a teller the personal check on Monday morning, but the teller couldn't cash it because there wasn't enough money in the account.
Authorities say the man told the teller he had to have the cash or someone was going to kill him. He wrote a note saying he was robbing the bank. Police say the teller gave the man some money and he ran away. Investigators say they have a suspect, but have not made an arrest.
SPARTANBURG, S.C. — Authorities say a man robbed a bank in South Carolina after the $173 check he tried to cash bounced. Police say the man gave a teller the personal check on Monday morning, but the teller couldn't cash it because there wasn't enough money in the account.
Authorities say the man told the teller he had to have the cash or someone was going to kill him. He wrote a note saying he was robbing the bank. Police say the teller gave the man some money and he ran away. Investigators say they have a suspect, but have not made an arrest.
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