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It's Christmas

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."

Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "These are Carols."

The Doctor and the Tramp

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BACON Flowchart

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I love my job

Jeff Dunham and the suicide bomber skeleton

The funniest ventriloquist you will ever seen with a skeleton

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Men and Their...........

Man gets Puff The Magic Dragon tattooed on his penis

A tattoo enthusiast has had Puff The Magic Dragon etched on to his penis. John Bevan's artwork, which extends from his belly to his lower back, took 85 hours to complete. The 63-year-old, from South Wales, joked: 'It was painful but worth it.

You can't see much when it's asleep but it's a monster when it's awake!'

You can see a series of very explicit photos here. Most definitely NSFW.

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#2

The Maricopa County Sheriff's Office is stepping up patrols for man

pleasuring himself inside Glendale stores.

Zoom Lens

Take a look where the binoculars are to the camera lens

Are you a "Team Player?"

Look Around Republicans..............

Jackie and Dunlap have a question for all the Republican candidates.

Very Funny

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WTF?

Students are playing Harry Potter's "Quidditch"

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Small Bits of News

Couple cremated baby on grill to avoid funeral costs
Two years ago, 1-year-old Deante Reid died in his parents' care - and, to avoid funeral costs, his parents tried to cremate him in a barbecue grill. But the bones wouldn't burn completely, so police said the couple hid what was left of the baby in the ceiling of a home on Dickerson in Detroit.
The bizarre discovery turned up on Friday as Detroit police investigated injuries to another 1-year-old boy, who turned out to be Deante's brother, police said. The boys' parents - Nickella Reid, 24, and Joseph Miller, 27 - were arraigned Saturday in 36th District Court in Detroit on charges of first - and second-degree child abuse. More here.

Chicken fat causes 4 crashes
Chicken fat that leaked from a waste truck onto the roadway caused at least four accidents and made a smelly mess in Virginia. Virginia State Police said a truck hauling waste chicken grease left a valve open, and the fat leaked onto U.S. Route 13 from the plant to the Maryland state line. At least four crashes and several spinouts were reported Tuesday morning on northbound Route 13, Sgt. Joe Bunting. One injured person was taken to a hospital, he said. Bunting described the consistency of the chicken grease on the road as a "glassy film" and said crews were sanding the road surface to help drivers get traction. However, the gunk was sticking to the tires and spreading onto secondary roads in the region. He added that the grease caused a "really funky" odor. » Article here

Flasher's 'inadequacy' plea fails
A man convicted of being a serial flasher told a court he could not be guilty as his genitals were too small. Michael Carney, 41, claimed he was too embarrassed about the size of his manhood to expose himself to women and showed the court photographs as proof. But the jury at Teesside Crown Court convicted the father-of-two, of Stockton, Teesside of seven counts of outraging public decency. Judge Brian Forster told Carney he was likely to receive a jail sentence, before granting the quality inspector for a plastics firm bail.

Two-year-old blows up kitchen
A two-year-old blew up his mom's kitchen when he put an aerosol can in the microwave.
Wiltshire firefighters tackled the blaze at the home in Essex Square, Harnham, near Salisbury at midday yesterday.
They managed to put the blaze out before it spread to the rest of the smoke-filled house. No one was hurt.A fire service spokesman said: The fire was started by an aerosol can being placed in the microwave by a two-year-old and the microwave switched on. This caused an explosion. Fortunately no one was hurt in the fire and everyone had evacuated the property before the fire service arrived.