Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be considered for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired-Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your Supervisor, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
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Sincerely yours,
The Boss
Now Get Back To Work
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Friday, February 27, 2009
The things we do when we are bored.
Supersized OREO Cookie
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I know a woman that the only part she would eat was the creme centers.
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Mad Izatie said...
The creamy bits are too sweet for me so I get rid of the center and have the cookies.
The creamy bits are too sweet for me so I get rid of the center and have the cookies.
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As he drove the work van he'd twist them apart, eat the center and throw the cookies out the window. I always wondered what the people behind us thought...
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Is Pro Wrestling Real or Fake?
Flying thru the air with the greatest of ease a wrestler flies head first into the barricade.
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How do you FAKE entertainment?
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Dalton J. Fox said...
Oh shit! That looked painful.
Oh shit! That looked painful.
The other dude was obviously supposed to catch him and break his fall.
That's why wrestling is so dangerous.
Sure, they're supposed to try to protect each other and keep anybody from being hurt, but the slightest misstep by you or your opponent can result in one or both of you getting injured badly.
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Tattoo Jim said...
Who really cares??? If you enjoy it then watch it. If not then turn the channel. Kind of like paying for sex. Did she really have an orgasm??? Who cares!!! I enjoyed it!!!
Who really cares??? If you enjoy it then watch it. If not then turn the channel. Kind of like paying for sex. Did she really have an orgasm??? Who cares!!! I enjoyed it!!!
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Small Bits of News You Didn’t Know you Needed
Viagra orgy man came then went
A Russian man died after guzzling a bottle of Viagra to keep him going for a 12-hour orgy with two female pals.
The women had bet mechanic Sergey Tuganov $4,300 that he wouldn’t be able to follow through with the half-day sex marathon.
But minutes after winning the bet, the 28-year-old died of a heart attack, Moscow police said.
"We called emergency services but it was too late, there was nothing they could do," said one of the female participants who identified herself only as Alina.
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Indiana Teenager Critically Burned Trying to Kill Head Lice
An Evansville, Indiana teenager who soaked her hair in gasoline to try to kill head lice was critically burned when the gas fumes ignited and set her head ablaze, Evansville, Ind. police said.
Eighteen-year-old Jessica Brooks is in serious condition at the burn unit at University Hospital in Louisville, Ky., following Sunday night's fire at her Evansville apartment.
Police said Brooks was in her apartment's bathroom letting her hair soak in gasoline just before a pilot light from a water heater ignited the gas fumes and her hair.
Brooks was put in a medically induced coma.
Brooks and her fiancé, Ronald Young, had planned to wed in May. Young suffered burns on his arms trying to extinguish the flames.
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KFC Employees Treated After Being Exposed To Fumes
A Hazmat call to a Manchester New Hampshire Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant was determined to have been sparked by a hoax call, police said.
Firefighters were called to the restaurant on Hooksett Road because employees reported eye and skin irritation from a fire extinguisher. When emergency crews arrived, they found three employees disrobed outside of the building.
The employees told police that the restaurant got a call from someone claiming to be from corporate headquarters who asked them to test their fire suppression system. When they did and reported that they had chemicals from the extinguisher on their clothes, the caller told them they needed to take their clothes off.
The workers said they became suspicious when the caller then told them to urinate on each other.
Two officers were sent to a hospital for treatment from being exposed to chemicals inside the building, and two employees were also treated at a hospital. The third employee refused treatment.
Police said they are investigating the incident as a criminal matter. The restaurant was closed until health officials could determine that it was safe to re-open.
VIDEO
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A Russian man died after guzzling a bottle of Viagra to keep him going for a 12-hour orgy with two female pals.
The women had bet mechanic Sergey Tuganov $4,300 that he wouldn’t be able to follow through with the half-day sex marathon.
But minutes after winning the bet, the 28-year-old died of a heart attack, Moscow police said.
"We called emergency services but it was too late, there was nothing they could do," said one of the female participants who identified herself only as Alina.
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But instead of driven steel like John Henry, Sergey was driving that ass.
And the end they both die doing what others said couldn't be done.
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Indiana Teenager Critically Burned Trying to Kill Head Lice
An Evansville, Indiana teenager who soaked her hair in gasoline to try to kill head lice was critically burned when the gas fumes ignited and set her head ablaze, Evansville, Ind. police said.
Eighteen-year-old Jessica Brooks is in serious condition at the burn unit at University Hospital in Louisville, Ky., following Sunday night's fire at her Evansville apartment.
Police said Brooks was in her apartment's bathroom letting her hair soak in gasoline just before a pilot light from a water heater ignited the gas fumes and her hair.
Brooks was put in a medically induced coma.
Brooks and her fiancé, Ronald Young, had planned to wed in May. Young suffered burns on his arms trying to extinguish the flames.
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Tattoo Jim said...
I know of people who used to put kerosene on head lice but I've never heard of gasoline...
I know of people who used to put kerosene on head lice but I've never heard of gasoline...
except on poison ivy.
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Since kerosene cost about double of gasoline and is easier to find she must have opt and chose gasoline (Bad Choice)
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KFC Employees Treated After Being Exposed To Fumes
A Hazmat call to a Manchester New Hampshire Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant was determined to have been sparked by a hoax call, police said.
Firefighters were called to the restaurant on Hooksett Road because employees reported eye and skin irritation from a fire extinguisher. When emergency crews arrived, they found three employees disrobed outside of the building.
The employees told police that the restaurant got a call from someone claiming to be from corporate headquarters who asked them to test their fire suppression system. When they did and reported that they had chemicals from the extinguisher on their clothes, the caller told them they needed to take their clothes off.
The workers said they became suspicious when the caller then told them to urinate on each other.
Two officers were sent to a hospital for treatment from being exposed to chemicals inside the building, and two employees were also treated at a hospital. The third employee refused treatment.
Police said they are investigating the incident as a criminal matter. The restaurant was closed until health officials could determine that it was safe to re-open.
VIDEO
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Maybe them crazy PETA vegetarians people did it?
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Oops! Kansas City finest “F**ked Up Again
Kansas City Police Change Cause of Death From Natural to Homicide After Funeral Home Finds Bullet Holes in Man's HeadPolice in Kansas City Missouri and medical examiners who thought a man died of natural causes changed their minds after funeral-home workers found bullet holes in his head.
The Kansas City Star reported Thursday that three bullet wounds — two of them in Anthony Crockett's head — were noticed after the man's body was embalmed Friday. The funeral home returned the 49-year-old Kansas City man's body to the Jackson County medical examiner's office, and police counted the death as a homicide.
Detectives and Jackson County medical examiners never visited Crockett's home to inspect his body. A paramedic told police he believed the death was natural after finding prescription containers for high blood pressure, high cholesterol and diabetes in the home.
Crockett's girlfriend, who had called police after finding his body, told authorities that he had heart problems for years.
Police noted blood on Crockett's face, but victims can bleed from natural causes or a fall. They did not collect forensic evidence, and by the time the mistake was realized and investigators secured Crockett's house as a crime scene, relatives already had cleaned it.
It was the second time in 17 months that a Kansas City funeral home returned a homicide victim's body mistakenly ruled a natural death by the medical examiner's office.
The other case was in September 2007 and involved Lorraine Grayson, 77, who had been beaten and sexually assaulted in her home. Police later found out that Grayson's purse was missing and her 46-year-old neighbor was charged with her death.
"This kind of mistake is a pretty bad mistake," said Thomas Young, the former Jackson County medical examiner who now runs a private forensic pathology practice.
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Why didn't the police notice the pool of blood which would surround the head?
If there wasn't any blood then the shooting must have been post mortem.
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MISSOURI is called the "Show Me State."
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Dalton J. Fox said...
That's ridiculous.
That's ridiculous.
Twice within a year and a half?
Somebody isn't doing their job right.
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Human Popcorn Machine
This is fake just like the cell phone popping corn.
But good editing though.
But good editing though.
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