Wednesday, October 17, 2007
TOP TEN THINGS MEN WOULD DO IF THEY HAD A VAGINA FOR A DAY
10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.
9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.
8. See if they could finally do the splits.
7. See if it’s truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.
6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.
5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes … BEFORE closing time.
4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.
3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.
2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.
1. Finally find that damned G-spot.
9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.
8. See if they could finally do the splits.
7. See if it’s truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.
6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.
5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes … BEFORE closing time.
4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.
3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.
2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.
1. Finally find that damned G-spot.
The Foreign Bride!
The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.
One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn'tknow how to put forward her request, and in desperation, clucked like achicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs.
Her butcher got the message, and gave her the chicken legs.
Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn't know how to say it, and so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts!
The butcher understood again, and gave her some chicken breasts.
On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...
(Please scroll down)................................
What were you thinking? Hellooooooo, her husband speaks English!
Now get back to your blogging.............
One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn'tknow how to put forward her request, and in desperation, clucked like achicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs.
Her butcher got the message, and gave her the chicken legs.
Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn't know how to say it, and so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts!
The butcher understood again, and gave her some chicken breasts.
On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...
(Please scroll down)................................
What were you thinking? Hellooooooo, her husband speaks English!
Now get back to your blogging.............
I just don't know about you sometimes!
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World's longest fireworks party
A Chinese city is hoping to get into the record books by letting off a twelve-and-a-half mile string of firecrackers.A total of 35 fireworks factories in Liuyang city, Hunan province, have worked together to create the firecrackers.
Zeng Mengxiong, the chief technician of the project, told the Changsha Evening News: "We are doing this to celebrate the upcoming Liuyang International Firecracker Festival."
Zeng estimates it will take 85 to 90 minutes for all of the firecrackers to explode: "At the beginning and end, the firing speed should be slow, in the middle, really fast," he added.
The firecrackers will be let off on the opening day of the festival, October 26, when onlookers will be kept back a safe distance.
"We have set up a 10 meter-wide quarantine zone on either side of the string, and will have more than 3,000 guards," a government spokesman said.
"We aren't worried about rain, since the firecrackers are water-proof."
The government says it is applying to have officials from the Guinness Book of Records present on the day of the event.
Small Bits of News
NYC bride sues florist for $27K saying wedding flowers were wrong color
The wedding was lovely, except for the flowers: They were the wrong color. So says the bride, Elana Glatt, who was so upset that she sued the florist and alleged breach of contract. She says Posy Floral Design in Manhattan substituted pastel pink and green hydrangeas for the dark rust and green ones she had specified for 22 centerpieces. Not only that, she alleges that the hydrangeas were wilted and brown, and arranged in dusty vases without enough water. The flowers cost $27,435.14. The lawsuit asks for more than $400,000 in restitution and damages. » Full article here
Volunteer firefighter accused of paying friends to set fires
Officials grew suspicious of Donald C. Magner, 18, because of his "quick response" to the fire scenes. "He had paid less than $100 to have these three fires set," says a sheriff's captain. » Article here
Dude texting while driving hits freight train
When Robert Gillespie looked up from his text message, he saw a freight train. Eugene police say Gillespie's car crashed into the side of the Union Pacific freight train about 2 a.m. Tuesday. When officers arrived, they found him alert and talking, but trapped in the car. They learned about the cell phone and text message as they worked to rescue him. Gillespie, who had turned 38 the day before, was charged with drunken driving and careless driving, police spokeswoman Kerry Delf said. His injuries were described as not life threatening, and no members of the train crew were hurt. » Article here
Man caught drinking on courthouse lawn.
A man who was out on bail following a drunken driving arrest is back behind bars after he was caught drinking a 12-pack of beer on the Douglas County Courthouse lawn. Martin Ruiz asked the judge to release him on his own recognizance, promising not to drink another beer or drive. But Judge Michael Gibbons set his bail at $100,000 on Monday, saying he was surprised Ruiz was released on recognizance the first time. » Article here
Woman spying on husband gets trapped under SUV
Rescue crews freed a woman trapped under a sport utility vehicle in Brookline late on Monday morning.Police said the woman, whose name has not been released, feared her husband was cheating on her. They said she went to spy on him by crawling under an SUV outside her husband’s alleged girlfriend’s house in the 1300 block of Oakridge Street. She apparently fell asleep under the vehicle and became trapped after someone let the air out of the tires. Ray Ludchak was working on the house next door when he heard the woman’s cries for help. "I peered down to see a body beneath a vehicle," said Ludchak. The couple has been married for 26 years. The woman was taken into custody to undergo a mental health evaluation. Police are trying to determine who let the air out of the tyres. So far, no charges have been filed.
Man fined £75 for dumping his rubbish - in a litter bin
With ten days to go until his next fortnightly rubbish collection, John Richards wanted to avoid a stink in his kitchen. So he neatly packaged his food scraps in a carrier bag and deposited it in a public bin.A few days later a letter arrived announcing he had been fined £75 - for 'mis-using' the bin by putting domestic refuse in it. Council snoopers traced him after rummaging through the bag's contents, in which they found an envelope addressed to him. Yesterday 84-year-old Mr Richards, of Boston, Lincolnshire, said: "I've been fined for putting my rubbish in a bin and that's just ludicrous. A Boston Council spokesman said: "Public litter bins are for everyone to use. If one is repeatedly filled by an individual with their domestic waste it creates a problem."
The wedding was lovely, except for the flowers: They were the wrong color. So says the bride, Elana Glatt, who was so upset that she sued the florist and alleged breach of contract. She says Posy Floral Design in Manhattan substituted pastel pink and green hydrangeas for the dark rust and green ones she had specified for 22 centerpieces. Not only that, she alleges that the hydrangeas were wilted and brown, and arranged in dusty vases without enough water. The flowers cost $27,435.14. The lawsuit asks for more than $400,000 in restitution and damages. » Full article here
Volunteer firefighter accused of paying friends to set fires
Officials grew suspicious of Donald C. Magner, 18, because of his "quick response" to the fire scenes. "He had paid less than $100 to have these three fires set," says a sheriff's captain. » Article here
Dude texting while driving hits freight train
When Robert Gillespie looked up from his text message, he saw a freight train. Eugene police say Gillespie's car crashed into the side of the Union Pacific freight train about 2 a.m. Tuesday. When officers arrived, they found him alert and talking, but trapped in the car. They learned about the cell phone and text message as they worked to rescue him. Gillespie, who had turned 38 the day before, was charged with drunken driving and careless driving, police spokeswoman Kerry Delf said. His injuries were described as not life threatening, and no members of the train crew were hurt. » Article here
Man caught drinking on courthouse lawn.
A man who was out on bail following a drunken driving arrest is back behind bars after he was caught drinking a 12-pack of beer on the Douglas County Courthouse lawn. Martin Ruiz asked the judge to release him on his own recognizance, promising not to drink another beer or drive. But Judge Michael Gibbons set his bail at $100,000 on Monday, saying he was surprised Ruiz was released on recognizance the first time. » Article here
Woman spying on husband gets trapped under SUV
Rescue crews freed a woman trapped under a sport utility vehicle in Brookline late on Monday morning.Police said the woman, whose name has not been released, feared her husband was cheating on her. They said she went to spy on him by crawling under an SUV outside her husband’s alleged girlfriend’s house in the 1300 block of Oakridge Street. She apparently fell asleep under the vehicle and became trapped after someone let the air out of the tires. Ray Ludchak was working on the house next door when he heard the woman’s cries for help. "I peered down to see a body beneath a vehicle," said Ludchak. The couple has been married for 26 years. The woman was taken into custody to undergo a mental health evaluation. Police are trying to determine who let the air out of the tyres. So far, no charges have been filed.
Man fined £75 for dumping his rubbish - in a litter bin
With ten days to go until his next fortnightly rubbish collection, John Richards wanted to avoid a stink in his kitchen. So he neatly packaged his food scraps in a carrier bag and deposited it in a public bin.A few days later a letter arrived announcing he had been fined £75 - for 'mis-using' the bin by putting domestic refuse in it. Council snoopers traced him after rummaging through the bag's contents, in which they found an envelope addressed to him. Yesterday 84-year-old Mr Richards, of Boston, Lincolnshire, said: "I've been fined for putting my rubbish in a bin and that's just ludicrous. A Boston Council spokesman said: "Public litter bins are for everyone to use. If one is repeatedly filled by an individual with their domestic waste it creates a problem."
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