Friday, April 4, 2008
It's really not that difficult...
How to make a Woman Happy
To make a woman happy; a man only needs to be:
1.) a friend
2.) a companion
3.) a lover
4.) a brother
5.) a father
6.) a master
7.) a chef
8.) a decorator
9.) a stylist
10.) a psychologist
11.) a psychiatrist
12.) a good listener
13.) an organizer
14.) a good father
15.) very clean
16.) sympathetic
17.) athletic
18.) warm
19.) attentive
20.) gallant
21.) intelligent
22.) funny
23.) creative
24.) tender
25.) strong
26.) understanding
27.) tolerant
28.) prudent
29.) ambitious
30.) capable
31.) courageous
32.) determined
33.) true
34.) dependable
35.) passionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
give her compliments regularly
love shopping
be honest
be very rich
not stress her out
not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
give her lots of time, especially time for herself
give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
Never to forget:* birthdays* anniversaries* arrangements she makes
.
How to make a Man Happy
From The Perfect Woman:
1.) "I'll swallow it all...I just love the taste!"
2.) "Are you sure you've had enough beer?"
3.) "I'm bored. Let's shave my pussy!"
4.) "Oh come on, what do ya say we get a good porno movie, a case of beer and have my friend Lacoda over for a threesome!"
5.) "If I don't get to blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna bust!"
6.) "I know it's a lot tighter back there but would you please try again?"
7.) "You're so sexy when you're hung over."
8.) "I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping."
9.) "Let's subscribe to Hustler."
10.) "Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?"
11.) "Say, let's go down to the mall so you can check out women's asses."
12.) "I'll be out painting the house."
13.) "I love it when you play golf on Sunday's, I just wish you had time to play on Saturday, too." 14.) "Honey, our new neighbor's is sunbathing again, come see!"
15.) "I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house."
16.) "No, no, I'll take the car to have the oil changed."
17.) "Your mother did a great job raising you."
18.) "Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine's Day thing and buy yourself new clubs."
19.) "I understand fully. Our anniversary comes every year for God's sake. You go hunting with the guys, it's a wonderful stress reliever."
20.) "Shouldn't you be down at the bar with your buddies?"
21.) "Not the fucking mall again, come on let's go to that new strip joint!"
22.) "Listen, I make enough money for the both of us, why don't you retire and get that nagging handicap down to 7 or 8."
23.) "You need your sleep ya big silly, now stop getting up for the night feedings."
24.) "That was a great fart! Do another one!"
25.) "I signed up for yoga so that I can get my ankles behind my head for ya!"
.
To make a woman happy; a man only needs to be:
1.) a friend
2.) a companion
3.) a lover
4.) a brother
5.) a father
6.) a master
7.) a chef
8.) a decorator
9.) a stylist
10.) a psychologist
11.) a psychiatrist
12.) a good listener
13.) an organizer
14.) a good father
15.) very clean
16.) sympathetic
17.) athletic
18.) warm
19.) attentive
20.) gallant
21.) intelligent
22.) funny
23.) creative
24.) tender
25.) strong
26.) understanding
27.) tolerant
28.) prudent
29.) ambitious
30.) capable
31.) courageous
32.) determined
33.) true
34.) dependable
35.) passionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
give her compliments regularly
love shopping
be honest
be very rich
not stress her out
not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
give her lots of time, especially time for herself
give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
Never to forget:* birthdays* anniversaries* arrangements she makes
.
How to make a Man Happy
From The Perfect Woman:
1.) "I'll swallow it all...I just love the taste!"
2.) "Are you sure you've had enough beer?"
3.) "I'm bored. Let's shave my pussy!"
4.) "Oh come on, what do ya say we get a good porno movie, a case of beer and have my friend Lacoda over for a threesome!"
5.) "If I don't get to blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna bust!"
6.) "I know it's a lot tighter back there but would you please try again?"
7.) "You're so sexy when you're hung over."
8.) "I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping."
9.) "Let's subscribe to Hustler."
10.) "Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?"
11.) "Say, let's go down to the mall so you can check out women's asses."
12.) "I'll be out painting the house."
13.) "I love it when you play golf on Sunday's, I just wish you had time to play on Saturday, too." 14.) "Honey, our new neighbor's is sunbathing again, come see!"
15.) "I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house."
16.) "No, no, I'll take the car to have the oil changed."
17.) "Your mother did a great job raising you."
18.) "Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine's Day thing and buy yourself new clubs."
19.) "I understand fully. Our anniversary comes every year for God's sake. You go hunting with the guys, it's a wonderful stress reliever."
20.) "Shouldn't you be down at the bar with your buddies?"
21.) "Not the fucking mall again, come on let's go to that new strip joint!"
22.) "Listen, I make enough money for the both of us, why don't you retire and get that nagging handicap down to 7 or 8."
23.) "You need your sleep ya big silly, now stop getting up for the night feedings."
24.) "That was a great fart! Do another one!"
25.) "I signed up for yoga so that I can get my ankles behind my head for ya!"
.
Mad Izatie said...
Great post, perfect example of gender stereotyping.
Great post, perfect example of gender stereotyping.
Thong boasts 518 diamonds, gold tassels
A DIAMOND thong worth $S168,000 ($132,500) was the highlight of a lingerie fashion show in Singapore. The Triumph Luxurious Diamond Thong had 518 brilliant-cut diamonds, totalling 30 carats, studded into the front of a black lace thong in a floral pattern. The skimpy underwear that left little to the imagination also had 27 white gold tassels hanging off it. Danielle Luminita, a model from Romania, was carried down the runway on the shoulders of two male models wearing only the diamond thong. "It is very comfortable, it's not heavy or scratchy or anything," Luminita said backstage. A spokeswoman for Triumph International, the lingerie company that commissioned the thong, said that the thong would be dry cleaned before going on display.
No more builders' wolf whistles
A leading building firm has banned its builders from wolf-whistling at women, claiming the tradition was putting off "savvy and sophisticated" female house-hunters.George Wimpey Bristol have banned their employees from making cheeky remarks or innuendo, declaring the "outdated" tradition is not acceptable in today's world.
Sales and marketing director Richard Goad told staff in a memo that Bristol builders would not be able to wolf-whistle on any of the city's six sites from 9am yesterday.
Mr Goad said: "In the 21st century the wolf whistle is out of place." Our buyers know what they want and the general feeling is that women won't stand for being whistled at by builders.
Small Bits of News
93-Year-Old Man Charged in Prostitution Sting in Florida
Prosecutors in Manatee County, Fla., are proceeding with a case against one of two 93-year-old men picked up during an undercover prostitution sting, the Sarasota Herald-Tribune reports.
According to police records, Frank Milio, 93, tried to pay $20 in November to an undercover officer, but Milio told the Herald-Tribune that he was only flirting with the woman.
"I haven't had that in years," Milio told the paper. "Ninety-three is kind of old."
Carlos Underhill, also 93, was netted in the sting but will not be charged, although he does not deny chatting with the "good-looking girl" who made eyes at him and turned out to be an undercover cop. "All I was going to do was talk." "It wasn't for sex. I am 93, you know."
.
Hawk Attacks Girl on Tour of Boston's Fenway Park
BOSTON — A 13-year-old girl touring Fenway Park on a school trip was attacked by a resident red-tailed hawk that drew blood from her scalp. The girl's name is Alexa Rodriguez wasn't seriously hurt. The hawk perched on a railing in the upper deck behind home plate as the group toured the stadium. The hawk took flight and swooped at the girl with its talons extended, scratching her scalp.
.
Man stuffs guitar in his pants, leaves store
LEWISTON - Police were searching for three men Wednesday, one of them accused of stealing a guitar from a music store by stuffing the instrument down his pants. The heist occurred at Music Maniac in the Lewiston Mall last week, police said. Stolen was a Fender Stratocaster guitar. Police said that two of the suspects stood around inside the store, acting as lookouts and providing distraction. The third man shoved the guitar into his pants and pulled a long sweatshirt over the top of it.
.
Optimal Sex Takes 3 to 13 Minutes, Study Finds
NEW YORK — Maybe men had it right all along: It doesn't take long to satisfy a woman in bed.
A survey of sex therapists concluded the optimal amount of time for sexual intercourse was 3 to 13 minutes. The findings, to be published in the May issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, strike at the notion that endurance is the key to a great sex life.
If that sounds like good news to you, don't cheer too loudly. The time does not count foreplay, and the therapists did rate sexual intercourse that lasts from 1 to 2 minutes as "too short."
.
Truck traps suspect
WATERLOO --- Breaking in to the SUV was a piece of cake for a Waterloo man.But breaking out proved to be a challenge.Mark Laures called police Wednesday to report a man was apparently trying to steal his 1995 Ford Explorer from his home on East Donald Street. But after the would-be thief got inside the vehicle, he wasn't able to get out."When my Explorer's battery goes down, the anti-theft device kicks in," Laures said. The man damaged the dashboard trying to escape but was still inside the vehicle when officers pulled up. Police arrested Cash Joseph Burch, 24, of 310 E. Sixth St., for third-degree burglary. The incident started shortly before 10 a.m. when Laures and a friend noticed a man getting into vehicles at his home. "I got 10 trucks up here, and only one them that runs," Laures said. "He hopped in one of my vans, but it wouldn't start because the battery is gone." Next, the man got in the Explorer but wore down the battery trying to start it. The locks kicked in, and the inside door handle was broken, according to the police report. Officers were able to open the door from the outside, Burch was freed from the vehicle and taken to jail.
.
Fake Florida cop on MySpace
JSO Tracks “Fake Cop” Through MySpace Account: 27-year-old Andrew Diaz of Jacksonville, Florida has been arrested for impersonating a police officer. It seems that he posted pictures on his MySpace of him in police gear including brandishing a gun and his ‘federal police car’.
Now before you get all up in arms about that these are just pictures of him on MySpace he was also telling other federal officers that he was a federal officer.
.
Bank robber chatted with police on MySpace
Alleged bank robber arrested after chats with detective on MySpace: 29-year-old Charles Rehmund of Florida was on the run for allegedly robbing a bank. Police were able to locate his MySpace and sent him a message. No undercover or anything, just a message saying that they were the police. Rehmund then ‘friended’ the investigator. The investigator urged Rehmund to turn himself in. He said he would but of course he didn’t.
Investigators were tipped off to Rehmund’s location. The one investigator kept Rehmund chatting on MySpace while local police went to his location and arrested him.
.
Bid to classify dogs as livestock
THE Seoul city government is seeking to classify man's best friend as livestock in order to set food safety standards for South Korean lovers of dog meat.
Somewhere between two and four million dogs are estimated to be consumed in South Korea every year, but the slaughtering and processing is carried out in dirty environments and poses risks to diners' health. Since dogs are not currently classed as livestock there are no hygiene regulations on their slaughter, officials said. "Dogs are consumed in their millions in this country every year. That's a fact. We have to take care of this situation,'' said Lee Hae-Woo, head of the city government's department of food safety.
.
Drunk woman had her 9-year-old son to blow into car's ignition lock
A Hartford woman who apparently asked her 9-year-old son to blow into the ignition lock to keep their car running will serve eight years in prison after pleading no contest to drunken driving and bail-jumping charges.
Tammy Miller, 39, was sentenced Wednesday for operating while under the influence as a seventh offense from an August incident in which a motorist on the interstate said he saw a near-collision involving a truck and stopped to ask the driver not to drive any further. After confronting the driver, a woman in the truck then started driving.
.
Indonesian runaway child home after $10k spending spree
A nine-year-old Indonesian boy who ran away from home with $US10,000 in cash and went on a spending spree has returned safely, his father said.
Ahmad Legal Civiandi ran away last week following a row with his mother and only returned after a taxi driver recognized him from media pictures and took him back to his family.
He reportedly spent his first night on the run in a shopping mall, treating himself to a PlayStation, toys and a mobile phone, before moving on to a hotel, where he stayed for several nights despite a police hunt for him.
His father said almost none of the cash was left, but that he had forgiven the child for taking it.
"I am just glad he has returned, safe and sound," Ahmad Budiarto said.
Prosecutors in Manatee County, Fla., are proceeding with a case against one of two 93-year-old men picked up during an undercover prostitution sting, the Sarasota Herald-Tribune reports.
According to police records, Frank Milio, 93, tried to pay $20 in November to an undercover officer, but Milio told the Herald-Tribune that he was only flirting with the woman.
"I haven't had that in years," Milio told the paper. "Ninety-three is kind of old."
Carlos Underhill, also 93, was netted in the sting but will not be charged, although he does not deny chatting with the "good-looking girl" who made eyes at him and turned out to be an undercover cop. "All I was going to do was talk." "It wasn't for sex. I am 93, you know."
.
Hawk Attacks Girl on Tour of Boston's Fenway Park
BOSTON — A 13-year-old girl touring Fenway Park on a school trip was attacked by a resident red-tailed hawk that drew blood from her scalp. The girl's name is Alexa Rodriguez wasn't seriously hurt. The hawk perched on a railing in the upper deck behind home plate as the group toured the stadium. The hawk took flight and swooped at the girl with its talons extended, scratching her scalp.
.
Man stuffs guitar in his pants, leaves store
LEWISTON - Police were searching for three men Wednesday, one of them accused of stealing a guitar from a music store by stuffing the instrument down his pants. The heist occurred at Music Maniac in the Lewiston Mall last week, police said. Stolen was a Fender Stratocaster guitar. Police said that two of the suspects stood around inside the store, acting as lookouts and providing distraction. The third man shoved the guitar into his pants and pulled a long sweatshirt over the top of it.
.
Optimal Sex Takes 3 to 13 Minutes, Study Finds
NEW YORK — Maybe men had it right all along: It doesn't take long to satisfy a woman in bed.
A survey of sex therapists concluded the optimal amount of time for sexual intercourse was 3 to 13 minutes. The findings, to be published in the May issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, strike at the notion that endurance is the key to a great sex life.
If that sounds like good news to you, don't cheer too loudly. The time does not count foreplay, and the therapists did rate sexual intercourse that lasts from 1 to 2 minutes as "too short."
.
Truck traps suspect
WATERLOO --- Breaking in to the SUV was a piece of cake for a Waterloo man.But breaking out proved to be a challenge.Mark Laures called police Wednesday to report a man was apparently trying to steal his 1995 Ford Explorer from his home on East Donald Street. But after the would-be thief got inside the vehicle, he wasn't able to get out."When my Explorer's battery goes down, the anti-theft device kicks in," Laures said. The man damaged the dashboard trying to escape but was still inside the vehicle when officers pulled up. Police arrested Cash Joseph Burch, 24, of 310 E. Sixth St., for third-degree burglary. The incident started shortly before 10 a.m. when Laures and a friend noticed a man getting into vehicles at his home. "I got 10 trucks up here, and only one them that runs," Laures said. "He hopped in one of my vans, but it wouldn't start because the battery is gone." Next, the man got in the Explorer but wore down the battery trying to start it. The locks kicked in, and the inside door handle was broken, according to the police report. Officers were able to open the door from the outside, Burch was freed from the vehicle and taken to jail.
.
Fake Florida cop on MySpace
JSO Tracks “Fake Cop” Through MySpace Account: 27-year-old Andrew Diaz of Jacksonville, Florida has been arrested for impersonating a police officer. It seems that he posted pictures on his MySpace of him in police gear including brandishing a gun and his ‘federal police car’.
Now before you get all up in arms about that these are just pictures of him on MySpace he was also telling other federal officers that he was a federal officer.
.
Bank robber chatted with police on MySpace
Alleged bank robber arrested after chats with detective on MySpace: 29-year-old Charles Rehmund of Florida was on the run for allegedly robbing a bank. Police were able to locate his MySpace and sent him a message. No undercover or anything, just a message saying that they were the police. Rehmund then ‘friended’ the investigator. The investigator urged Rehmund to turn himself in. He said he would but of course he didn’t.
Investigators were tipped off to Rehmund’s location. The one investigator kept Rehmund chatting on MySpace while local police went to his location and arrested him.
.
Bid to classify dogs as livestock
THE Seoul city government is seeking to classify man's best friend as livestock in order to set food safety standards for South Korean lovers of dog meat.
Somewhere between two and four million dogs are estimated to be consumed in South Korea every year, but the slaughtering and processing is carried out in dirty environments and poses risks to diners' health. Since dogs are not currently classed as livestock there are no hygiene regulations on their slaughter, officials said. "Dogs are consumed in their millions in this country every year. That's a fact. We have to take care of this situation,'' said Lee Hae-Woo, head of the city government's department of food safety.
.
Drunk woman had her 9-year-old son to blow into car's ignition lock
A Hartford woman who apparently asked her 9-year-old son to blow into the ignition lock to keep their car running will serve eight years in prison after pleading no contest to drunken driving and bail-jumping charges.
Tammy Miller, 39, was sentenced Wednesday for operating while under the influence as a seventh offense from an August incident in which a motorist on the interstate said he saw a near-collision involving a truck and stopped to ask the driver not to drive any further. After confronting the driver, a woman in the truck then started driving.
.
Indonesian runaway child home after $10k spending spree
A nine-year-old Indonesian boy who ran away from home with $US10,000 in cash and went on a spending spree has returned safely, his father said.
Ahmad Legal Civiandi ran away last week following a row with his mother and only returned after a taxi driver recognized him from media pictures and took him back to his family.
He reportedly spent his first night on the run in a shopping mall, treating himself to a PlayStation, toys and a mobile phone, before moving on to a hotel, where he stayed for several nights despite a police hunt for him.
His father said almost none of the cash was left, but that he had forgiven the child for taking it.
"I am just glad he has returned, safe and sound," Ahmad Budiarto said.
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