Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Santa Scrooge

[Please Don't] Send in these Clowns:

Clowns You Hope Never Work Your Child's Birthday Party
Every parent's nightmare: Slappy Lithium.
Phyllis Diller's least-successful brother, and the family buffoon, Dinky Diller.
"I don't know WHY little Timmy developed that anxiety disorder?"

"This is my part-time gig, just until the Dead get back together.
By the way, any of you kids got a J?"

Hey, Jingles of Nazareth, who refers to himself as 'God's Clown,' might as well just call himself 'Boner the Clown'.

"I'm not only a clown, I'm a orthodontist!"

KoKo the Clown says
"Thanks so much, President Reagan, for closing all the mental institutions!"

"Hi. I'm Giggles, and I'm an alcoholic."

Look Into My Eyes Little Kiddies

"Happy Birthday, children. It's 'Scary McPicks A Lot'!"

One of the 14th Street Crip Clowns. See ya in the funny pages, juggalo.

Meet the gigantic bull that's going to claim record as the biggest ever

Farmer Arthur Duckett has a soft spot for his young bullock. Hopefully, the feeling is mutual - because "The Field Marshal" weighs 3,000lb.
The six-year-old Charolais, pictured with 5ft 8in Mr Duckett, boasts vital statistics that put him way above the common herd and on course for the record books.
At 6ft3 and 3,000lb, this bull is set to become the biggest ever in the UK. He is expected to pile on another 650lb in the next year alone.
That will take him past the current British record-holder, his former stable mate The Colonel, who stood 6ft 5in tall and weighed 3,500lb. He died in 2005.
He says The Field Marshal is "very good-tempered" but added: "When he gets angry he can do some real damage."

Adult Christmas Paper

Kermit Reacts to 2 girl’s 1 cup video

Possible effects of lead poison

Backwards Feet
A Chinese waitress has refused a disability pension - despite being born with feet facing the wrong way. Chongqing resident Wang Fang, 27, says she has learned to live a normal life despite her condition, and refuses to be classed as disabled as she is capable of doing her job.
She said: "I can run faster than most of my friends and have a regular job as a waitress in the family restaurant." Despite her unusual development, she insists that "there is no reason to class me as disabled." At Wang Fang's birth, doctors were concerned that she would be unable to walk normally, but her family agree that she can not only walk perfectly well, she can in fact out-run most of them. She said: "I can walk as well as anyone else, and even run faster than them. I'm like everyone else - except of course that I put my shoes on backwards."
Six-pawed puppy to go under the knife
This is Octopus, so-called because he was born with six paws, two more than the average pooch. He was due to be destroyed until vets rescued him in Hong Kong (China).

The six-week-old tiger-striped mongrel was born with a rare deformity in which the two bones of his forelegs have grown apart. As a result, a separate paw has grown on the end of each bone, giving him four front paws.Australian vet Stephan Lehner plans to operate on Octopus. He has been consulting overseas experts to determine the best way forward. 'I have only seen anything like this two or three times in 15 years as a vet,' he said. X-rays indicate the dog's right front leg may have to be amputated because it is so badly deformed.

A bicycle continues without its rider.... Very Funny

Small Bits of News

Underwear fetish gets out of hand for Japanese man
A Japanese man who privately enjoyed wearing girls' underwear was arrested after his excitement went too far and he decorated his neighbourhood with the undergarments, police said on Monday.
Kazuo Oshitani, a 48-year-old office clerk and father of three, allegedly wore girls' underwear and nylons and then scattered them across his block in western Osaka prefecture, a police spokesman said."I found it sexually arousing to imagine how shocked people would get when spotting the underwear," he said, according to police. He allegedly spread girls' underwear and nylons on bicycles, cars and even the front doors of his neighbors, police said.
Police, who had received about 170 complaints from local residents, raided his house and confiscated more than 200 pairs of underwear and a few sex toys, the spokesman said. While his private activity appeared legal, he was arrested on Sunday - on charges of littering.

Man Accused Of Stealing Sex Dolls
Calling it a "drunken, stupid thing," a DeForest man admitted breaking into a town of Burke sex shop last month and stealing several blow-up sex dolls, among them a $270 model that talks.
Jose A. Sandoval, 26, led detectives to spots where he had stashed the dolls and other items he allegedly took from Naughty Novelties.
Click Here To Read More

Teacher Accused of Using High School as Personal Meth Lab
A high school chemistry teacher found himself in hot water over the weekend when he was charged with making methamphetamine in his school lab, the Bakersfield Californian reported.
Jeff Scheidemantel, 32, who taught at Shafter High School, came under suspicion when he went online to buy red phosphorus, an important ingredient for making the drug, from a supplier outside the U.S.
Click here to read the Bakersfield Californian story.

No Farting Permitted
A social club in Devon has banned a 77-year-old man from breaking wind while indoors. Maurice Fox received a letter from Kirkham Street Sports and Social Club in Paignton asking him to consider his actions, which "disgusted" members.
Mr Fox, a club regular for 20 years, said: "I am happy to oblige them, there is no problem. I do get a bit windy - I am an old fart now." He said he had to leave the club about three times a night. In its letter to the retired bus driver, the club said: "After several complaints regarding your continual breaking of wind (farting) while in the club, would you please consider that your actions are considered disgusting to fellow members and visitors. You sit close to the front door, so would you please go outside when required. So please take heed of this request." Mr Fox, who lives in nearby Princess Street, said the letter was a surprise because he had been given no verbal warning. "I think someone has complained about the noise. I am a loud farter, but there is no smell. I do not think it [the letter] is unreasonable, you get ladies in there."

Missing 13-Year Old Girl May Be With 19-Year Old Man
A 13-year-old girl who has been missing for two weeks in Mesa, Ariz., may be with a 19-year-old man she met at a shopping mall, MyFoxPhoenix reported Tuesday.
The teen, Brittnee Plant, has been the subject of a desperate search since she vanished Nov. 20 from her home. Although it appears Brittnee ran away during the night with an adult male identified only as "Chris," her family and authorities fear that she is in danger and being held against her will. Click here for more on this story at