Elephant on a Bike
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
A Visit To The Dentist
THEY DON'T MAKE SHOWS LIKE THIS ANYMORE
Tim Conway and Harvey Korman from The Carol Burnett Show.
I dare you not to laugh.
Texas spicing up chocolates for Valentine's Day
Chocolate-Covered JalapenosBerry Delicious chocolate shop is making their chocolate a little spicier by adding Jalapenos to the mix. Hot chocolate is getting a twist in Texas.
Chocolate-covered Jalapenos are the new Valentine’s Day special for a business owner in Elsa, Texas.
Yvonne Sandoval’s “Berry Delicious” chocolate shop is offering a more searing gift for the romantic holiday.
Although commonly used for Mexican food, Sandoval says the spicy peppers are great for candy as well.
"We've always geared towards the fruit, but this time we said let's try something spicy. So we tried chocolate-covered jalapenos. It's been pretty popular," Sandoval said.
If you’re seeking a steamy present for Valentine’s Day, then “Berry Delicious” should be your next stop.
Animal Funny
Who Cares If The Dog Pees On Your Lap Top!It's not like either one of us will ever use it.
Speaking Correctly
Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as “HILLBILLIES.” You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
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And furthermore:
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a “BABE” or a “CHICK” - She is a “BREASTED AMERICAN.”
2. She is not “EASY” - She is “HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.”
3. She is not a “DUMB BLONDE” - She is a “LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.”
4. She has not “BEEN AROUND” - She is a “PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.”
5. She does not “NAG” you - She becomes “VERBALLY REPETITIVE.”
6. She is not a “TWO-BIT HOOKER” - She is a “LOW COST PROVIDER.”
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HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a “BEER GUT” - He has developed a “LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.”
2. He is not a “BAD DANCER” - He is “OVERLY CAUCASIAN.”
3. He does not “GET LOST ALL THE TIME” - He “INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.”
4. He is not “BALDING” - He is in “FOLLICLE REGRESSION.”
5. He does not act like a “TOTAL ASS” - He develops a case of “RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.”
6. It’s not his “CRACK” you see hanging out of his pants - It’s “REAR CLEAVAGE.”
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And furthermore:
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a “BABE” or a “CHICK” - She is a “BREASTED AMERICAN.”
2. She is not “EASY” - She is “HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.”
3. She is not a “DUMB BLONDE” - She is a “LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.”
4. She has not “BEEN AROUND” - She is a “PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.”
5. She does not “NAG” you - She becomes “VERBALLY REPETITIVE.”
6. She is not a “TWO-BIT HOOKER” - She is a “LOW COST PROVIDER.”
.
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a “BEER GUT” - He has developed a “LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.”
2. He is not a “BAD DANCER” - He is “OVERLY CAUCASIAN.”
3. He does not “GET LOST ALL THE TIME” - He “INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.”
4. He is not “BALDING” - He is in “FOLLICLE REGRESSION.”
5. He does not act like a “TOTAL ASS” - He develops a case of “RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.”
6. It’s not his “CRACK” you see hanging out of his pants - It’s “REAR CLEAVAGE.”
Small Bits of News
Firefighter warned he could be fired for saving lives
A firefighter has been warned he could be fired if he uses his medical training to save injured people while carrying out fire calls. Joe McMahon, a former paramedic who is now a firefighter based in Wimbledon, helped ambulance workers who were struggling to treat five casualties.
But instead of being praised, his employers told him he could be fired for misconduct if he used his medical training again. After a disciplinary hearing he was told he might be fired and sent a letter which warned: "When you are working as a London firefighter you are ordered not to give any medical treatment except first aid."
Couple jailed after sex hook-up on air conditioning
A couple's public sex show on an air conditioner landed them in jail Sunday. The caller told police they saw a woman, identified as 24-year-old Arianna Scudelletti, atop 24-year-old Victor Manuel Martes, Jr., who was atop the air conditioning unit - and in plain view of the street. Two young children noticed the performance and alerted the adult who called police. » Full article here
Teen ticketed for DWR (Driving While Republican)
Being a supporter of any presidential candidate is typically priceless. But for Cody Hauer, being a Ron Paul supporter may wind up costing more than $550 following four citations in one week from the Owatonna Police Department for having a $40 window decal on the rear window of his Buick Park Avenue. "I support Ron Paul, the city police department doesn't," he said. "They gave me a DWR - driving while Republican." » Article here
Incompetent Beer Hijackers Spill The Beer
Two men attempting to hijack a beer truck in London on Saturday ended up crashing the vehicle only a few hundred yards away, spilling beer canisters into the street and flooding the road with booze. Police and a witness said two men, one reportedly brandishing a gun, forced their way aboard the truck as it was stopped on a street in Southall, west London.
Click Here To Read More
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Mom Abandons Boy, 3, After He Is Found Wandering Mall
Ohio Judge Declares Mistrial in Microwave Baby Case
Dolly Parton's Breasts Cause Her to Postpone Tour
Cleaners Find Mummified Body in Arizona Bathtub
Best Friends Have Babies Weeks Apart With Same Deadly Illness
Massachusetts Sex Offender Wins $10 Million in State Lottery
NHL Player Has Lifesaving Surgery After Throat Is Slashed by Skate
A firefighter has been warned he could be fired if he uses his medical training to save injured people while carrying out fire calls. Joe McMahon, a former paramedic who is now a firefighter based in Wimbledon, helped ambulance workers who were struggling to treat five casualties.
But instead of being praised, his employers told him he could be fired for misconduct if he used his medical training again. After a disciplinary hearing he was told he might be fired and sent a letter which warned: "When you are working as a London firefighter you are ordered not to give any medical treatment except first aid."
Couple jailed after sex hook-up on air conditioning
A couple's public sex show on an air conditioner landed them in jail Sunday. The caller told police they saw a woman, identified as 24-year-old Arianna Scudelletti, atop 24-year-old Victor Manuel Martes, Jr., who was atop the air conditioning unit - and in plain view of the street. Two young children noticed the performance and alerted the adult who called police. » Full article here
Teen ticketed for DWR (Driving While Republican)
Being a supporter of any presidential candidate is typically priceless. But for Cody Hauer, being a Ron Paul supporter may wind up costing more than $550 following four citations in one week from the Owatonna Police Department for having a $40 window decal on the rear window of his Buick Park Avenue. "I support Ron Paul, the city police department doesn't," he said. "They gave me a DWR - driving while Republican." » Article here
Incompetent Beer Hijackers Spill The Beer
Two men attempting to hijack a beer truck in London on Saturday ended up crashing the vehicle only a few hundred yards away, spilling beer canisters into the street and flooding the road with booze. Police and a witness said two men, one reportedly brandishing a gun, forced their way aboard the truck as it was stopped on a street in Southall, west London.
Click Here To Read More
.
Mom Abandons Boy, 3, After He Is Found Wandering Mall
Ohio Judge Declares Mistrial in Microwave Baby Case
Dolly Parton's Breasts Cause Her to Postpone Tour
Cleaners Find Mummified Body in Arizona Bathtub
Best Friends Have Babies Weeks Apart With Same Deadly Illness
Massachusetts Sex Offender Wins $10 Million in State Lottery
NHL Player Has Lifesaving Surgery After Throat Is Slashed by Skate
Ice skate to the neck (not for the faint of heart)
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Policeman caught on YouTube video
An investigation has been launched into video footage of a uniformed police officer performing stunts on a moped believed to have been seized from a suspected criminal.
An investigation has been launched into video footage of a uniformed police officer performing stunts on a moped believed to have been seized from a suspected criminal.
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The officer, believed to be a PC from Humberside Police, is wearing a pair of forensic examination gloves as he rides the blue moped - understood to have been recovered in a criminal inquiry
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Parents Sent Detention Notice After Wrong Button Was Pushed
February 12, 2008
PALM BAY, Fla. -- The parents of all 2,550 Palm Bay High School students received a phone call informing them that their child was due for weekend detention.
There was no coordinated uprising at the school. An accidental push of a button sent the automated call to the homes of the entire student body instead of the intended 16.
One parent didn't believe her son's protests that he had done nothing wrong and took him to school Saturday morning anyway. When they learned of the glitch, Amy Stewart took her son Jimmy to breakfast to make up for it. Assistant superintendent Steve Muzzy called the problem "an unfortunate human mistake."
February 12, 2008
PALM BAY, Fla. -- The parents of all 2,550 Palm Bay High School students received a phone call informing them that their child was due for weekend detention.
There was no coordinated uprising at the school. An accidental push of a button sent the automated call to the homes of the entire student body instead of the intended 16.
One parent didn't believe her son's protests that he had done nothing wrong and took him to school Saturday morning anyway. When they learned of the glitch, Amy Stewart took her son Jimmy to breakfast to make up for it. Assistant superintendent Steve Muzzy called the problem "an unfortunate human mistake."
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