The last four Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they spin to OZ.
They finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard.
"WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD OF OZ?"
Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: "I've come for some courage."
"NO PROBLEM!" says the Wizard.
"WHO IS NEXT?"
Ronald Reagan steps forward, "Well.., I...think I need a brain."
"DONE" says the Wizard.
"WHO IS NEXT?"
Up steps George Bush sadly, "I'm told by the American people that I need a heart." "I'VE HEARD IT'S TRUE!" says the Wizard. "CONSIDER IT DONE."
There is a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word.
The Wizard finally asks "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
"Is Dorothy here?!?!"
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Officer loses job over "Jail Sex Show"
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070627/ap_on_fe_st/odd_officer_sex_show
June 27, 2007
An officer who ordered two women to put on a "sex show" in a jail cell will be fired. Norberto Cappas, 32, was found guilty by a police tribunal of conduct unbecoming an officer and lying during a departmental investigation and will lose his job following a 30-day suspension, the department said Tuesday.
Internal Affairs investigators found that Cappas ordered the two women to kiss and touch each other and expose their breasts in September 2003. The two had been picked up on suspicion of drug possession, but they had no drugs and were not charged with a crime.
Cappas has denied wrongdoing and refused to talk to a Philadelphia Inquirer reporter seeking comment Tuesday.
The case sat idle for years until the Inquirer raised questions about it last year.
One of the women filed a civil lawsuit and was awarded $17,500. The city's own lawyers concluded that she never should have been detained in the first place.
How it works...............
"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle.
Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me."
Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me."
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
LAWS OF THE NATURAL UNIVERSE
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of the Telephone: If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
Law of the Bath: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone or door bell rings.
Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of the Theatre: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, you boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Rugs and Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpeting.
Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.
Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of the Telephone: If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
Law of the Bath: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone or door bell rings.
Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of the Theatre: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, you boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Rugs and Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpeting.
Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.
Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
Only a matter of time before this guy is lion poop
Animal behaviorist Kevin Richardson has such an intimate bond with big cats that he can spend the night curled up with them without the slightest fear of attack. Richardson, 32, who is based in a wildlife conservation area near Johannesburg in South Africa, works his unusual magic on other species too. Cheetahs, leopards and even unpredictable hyenas hold no threats for him.
But lions are his favorite. He lavishes them with unconditional love, he says, treating each individual differently, speaking to them, caressing them and, above all, treating them with respect.
A former student of human physiology who once worked with pre and post-operative human patients, Kevin turned to animals ten years ago when he came to the conclusion that he could trust a lion over one of his own kind.
Kevin says he is most confident with animals he has known since birth, but claims he can become close friends with any lion less than a year old, when it is still flexible enough to accept him as part of its own pride.
But lions are his favorite. He lavishes them with unconditional love, he says, treating each individual differently, speaking to them, caressing them and, above all, treating them with respect.
A former student of human physiology who once worked with pre and post-operative human patients, Kevin turned to animals ten years ago when he came to the conclusion that he could trust a lion over one of his own kind.
Kevin says he is most confident with animals he has known since birth, but claims he can become close friends with any lion less than a year old, when it is still flexible enough to accept him as part of its own pride.
Girl, 14, Dies On Ride At Disneyland Paris
http://www.wftv.com/news/13569469/detail.html
June 26, 2007
June 26, 2007
Disneyland Paris officials said the girl lost consciousness while riding a roller coaster.
The cause of the girl's death remains unclear. A preliminary inspection of the Rock'n'Roller Coaster ride found no malfunctions with the machinery.
The girl boarded the ride on Monday at the theme park east of the French capital, and when the ride stopped, her friends found her unconscious.
Medical teams at the theme park tried to revive her, but by the time the ambulance arrived, the girl had died.
Police have opened an investigation, and an autopsy is planned Tuesday.
The ride is shut down.
Man Wakes Up With Headache, Doesn't Know Wife Shot Him
St. Lucie County Sheriff's deputies initially thought Michael Eugene Moylan had been hit by a stray bullet, but later realized the couples story did not match up, Sheriff Ken Mascara said.
The woman, who was not identified, was arrested Tuesday night and was in the process of being charged with attempted murder, Mascara said.
USB Speed Typing Mouse
If you have your own private office, you might find yourself getting a bit lonely from time to time.This little pedalling mouse will keep you company and let you challenge your typing ability.
The mouse plugs into any USB port on your computer.
The faster you type, the faster he pedals.
He also keeps record of your daily word count.
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