Friday, November 30, 2007
Tickets Please
A flight attendant was at the departure gate checking tickets.
As a man approached, she asked him to see his ticket. He opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I asked to see your ticket, not your stub."
Breast Imprints
Bearing all to panda to charityWomen in a County Durham village are painting plates with their breasts to raise money for charity. They cover their breasts with paint and make imprints on the plates which are then glazed and fired.
Joanne Scott, of the Buttercups Ceramic Studio, in Hurworth, near Darlington, said: "We decided on Breast Cancer Care plates because we have a few customers who are going through breast cancer.
There are a number of designs to choose from including pandas, cherries, Christmas puddings and bumble bees.
Mrs Scott added: "One man came in and was admiring a panda plate I'd made the week before. "He was asking lots of questions about it and I explained it was for Breast Cancer Care and I hadn't used my hands to paint it, but the penny still didn't drop."
A few moments later, a look of recognition passed across his face and he just kind of went 'Oh!' and rushed out of the shop. I think the poor man was a bit embarrassed.
There's a news video here.
Birth Control For Dogs
Can I Train My Dog To Put It On Himself?
No, the dog will require human intervention each time to put on or take off a condom.
No, the dog will require human intervention each time to put on or take off a condom.
450 kegs stolen from Guinness brewery
An investigation has been launched following the theft of 450 kegs from the Guinness Brewery on Victoria Quay in Dublin.180 kegs of Guinness, 180 kegs of Budweiser and 90 kegs of Carlsberg were taken in the robbery.A man driving a truck drove into the brewery yard at around 4pm yesterday afternoon and stole a trailer containing the drink, which has an estimated value of $94,636 U.S. dollars
It is understood there were a number of trailers stored ready for delivery in the yard at the time.
The driver attached one of the trailers containing the 450 kegs to his cab and drove out of the yard through the main gates. The robbery was discovered a short time later and gardaí were called. The empty trailer was later discovered in Slane Hill in Co Meath.
Small Bits of News
Man suing after allegedly being injured by beer at store
A man has filed a lawsuit because he claims he was injured while trying to buy beer at an Ocala Albertson's store.
Olester Duncan said he was trying to take a pack of Schlitz from a shelf when a falling beer hit him on the head. Olester claims the store and the beer companies should have made sure the display was safe. » Article here
Missing college student is a internet porn star
A missing Kansas college student believed to be the victim of foul play led a double life as an Internet porn star by the name of Zoey Zane, a friend told The Associated Press on Wednesday.
A young woman resembling 18-year-old Emily Sander appears nude in photos posted on a Zoey Zane Web site. "She is a young teenage girl and she wanted to be in the movies and enjoyed movies. She needed the extra money," said Nikki Watson, a close friend of Sander's at Butler County Community College. "Nobody in El Dorado knew besides her close friends."
Sanders recently signed a contract for the pornographic work on the Web site, and told her parents about it on Thanksgiving, Watson said. Her boyfriend broke up with her because he did not approve, Watson said. On the Web site, she appears in various states of undress in a cowgirl costume and a jungle-print bikini. » Article here
Computer Glitch Leads To Kmart Brawl
A weekend melee at a Kmart store in Wauwatosa was started by a computer glitch.
The store was running a promotion to give away $10 to anyone applying for its credit card, but the computer glitch led to everyone's application being approved, giving up to $4,000 in instant credit to anyone who applied, even if they shouldn't have qualified.
Click Here To Read More
Man Charged With Impersonating A Cop
Harry V. Hackert allegedly did what no real cop would ever do: He used his Ford Explorer rigged with lights and sirens to pull over someone and then waved a loaded gun in the driver's face while screaming.
Turned out that a real cop was down the street, watching Hackert's entire act with his video camera, police said.
Click Here To Read More
Inmate cut his penis off with razor
A prisoner at HMP Bristol has been treated for deep laceration wounds after cutting off his penis with a razor blade. The inmate who is serving an 18-month sentence for possession of a knife, was found by wardens on Sunday morning. Prison officials said the incident was "extremely serious". A prison service spokeswoman said: "We can confirm a prisoner at HMP Bristol has seriously self-harmed. The prisoner was treated in hospital and has now returned to the prison."
Woman with fake moustache holds up restaurant
Portland Police were looking for a woman in disguise who held up a local Denny's last week. Detectives said on Tuesday, the woman, dressed as a man and sporting a fake moustache, sat down at the restaurant on North Center Avenue around 1:30 a.m. and drank coffee for nearly three hours. Before leaving police said she pulled a handgun and robbed the cashier before taking off on foot. The suspect was described as white, between 25-30, 5-foot-4, weighing 125 pounds with a shaved head. She wore a black baseball cap with a red flame-type design on the bill of the hat and red triangle symbol on the front of the cap, a maroon Adidas jacket with a white horizontal stripe in the middle of the jacket and black pants. The suspect was armed with a black handgun.
A man has filed a lawsuit because he claims he was injured while trying to buy beer at an Ocala Albertson's store.
Olester Duncan said he was trying to take a pack of Schlitz from a shelf when a falling beer hit him on the head. Olester claims the store and the beer companies should have made sure the display was safe. » Article here
Missing college student is a internet porn star
A missing Kansas college student believed to be the victim of foul play led a double life as an Internet porn star by the name of Zoey Zane, a friend told The Associated Press on Wednesday.
A young woman resembling 18-year-old Emily Sander appears nude in photos posted on a Zoey Zane Web site. "She is a young teenage girl and she wanted to be in the movies and enjoyed movies. She needed the extra money," said Nikki Watson, a close friend of Sander's at Butler County Community College. "Nobody in El Dorado knew besides her close friends."
Sanders recently signed a contract for the pornographic work on the Web site, and told her parents about it on Thanksgiving, Watson said. Her boyfriend broke up with her because he did not approve, Watson said. On the Web site, she appears in various states of undress in a cowgirl costume and a jungle-print bikini. » Article here
Computer Glitch Leads To Kmart Brawl
A weekend melee at a Kmart store in Wauwatosa was started by a computer glitch.
The store was running a promotion to give away $10 to anyone applying for its credit card, but the computer glitch led to everyone's application being approved, giving up to $4,000 in instant credit to anyone who applied, even if they shouldn't have qualified.
Click Here To Read More
Man Charged With Impersonating A Cop
Harry V. Hackert allegedly did what no real cop would ever do: He used his Ford Explorer rigged with lights and sirens to pull over someone and then waved a loaded gun in the driver's face while screaming.
Turned out that a real cop was down the street, watching Hackert's entire act with his video camera, police said.
Click Here To Read More
Inmate cut his penis off with razor
A prisoner at HMP Bristol has been treated for deep laceration wounds after cutting off his penis with a razor blade. The inmate who is serving an 18-month sentence for possession of a knife, was found by wardens on Sunday morning. Prison officials said the incident was "extremely serious". A prison service spokeswoman said: "We can confirm a prisoner at HMP Bristol has seriously self-harmed. The prisoner was treated in hospital and has now returned to the prison."
Woman with fake moustache holds up restaurant
Portland Police were looking for a woman in disguise who held up a local Denny's last week. Detectives said on Tuesday, the woman, dressed as a man and sporting a fake moustache, sat down at the restaurant on North Center Avenue around 1:30 a.m. and drank coffee for nearly three hours. Before leaving police said she pulled a handgun and robbed the cashier before taking off on foot. The suspect was described as white, between 25-30, 5-foot-4, weighing 125 pounds with a shaved head. She wore a black baseball cap with a red flame-type design on the bill of the hat and red triangle symbol on the front of the cap, a maroon Adidas jacket with a white horizontal stripe in the middle of the jacket and black pants. The suspect was armed with a black handgun.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
It's Christmas
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.
"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
The man replied, "These are Carols."
"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.
"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
The man replied, "These are Carols."
Jeff Dunham and the suicide bomber skeleton
The funniest ventriloquist you will ever seen with a skeleton
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Men and Their...........
Man gets Puff The Magic Dragon tattooed on his penis
A tattoo enthusiast has had Puff The Magic Dragon etched on to his penis. John Bevan's artwork, which extends from his belly to his lower back, took 85 hours to complete. The 63-year-old, from South Wales, joked: 'It was painful but worth it.
You can't see much when it's asleep but it's a monster when it's awake!'
You can see a series of very explicit photos here. Most definitely NSFW.
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#2
The Maricopa County Sheriff's Office is stepping up patrols for man
Look Around Republicans..............
Jackie and Dunlap have a question for all the Republican candidates.
Very Funny
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Small Bits of News
Couple cremated baby on grill to avoid funeral costsTwo years ago, 1-year-old Deante Reid died in his parents' care - and, to avoid funeral costs, his parents tried to cremate him in a barbecue grill. But the bones wouldn't burn completely, so police said the couple hid what was left of the baby in the ceiling of a home on Dickerson in Detroit.
The bizarre discovery turned up on Friday as Detroit police investigated injuries to another 1-year-old boy, who turned out to be Deante's brother, police said. The boys' parents - Nickella Reid, 24, and Joseph Miller, 27 - were arraigned Saturday in 36th District Court in Detroit on charges of first - and second-degree child abuse. More here.
Chicken fat causes 4 crashes
Chicken fat that leaked from a waste truck onto the roadway caused at least four accidents and made a smelly mess in Virginia. Virginia State Police said a truck hauling waste chicken grease left a valve open, and the fat leaked onto U.S. Route 13 from the plant to the Maryland state line. At least four crashes and several spinouts were reported Tuesday morning on northbound Route 13, Sgt. Joe Bunting. One injured person was taken to a hospital, he said. Bunting described the consistency of the chicken grease on the road as a "glassy film" and said crews were sanding the road surface to help drivers get traction. However, the gunk was sticking to the tires and spreading onto secondary roads in the region. He added that the grease caused a "really funky" odor. » Article here
Flasher's 'inadequacy' plea fails
A man convicted of being a serial flasher told a court he could not be guilty as his genitals were too small. Michael Carney, 41, claimed he was too embarrassed about the size of his manhood to expose himself to women and showed the court photographs as proof. But the jury at Teesside Crown Court convicted the father-of-two, of Stockton, Teesside of seven counts of outraging public decency. Judge Brian Forster told Carney he was likely to receive a jail sentence, before granting the quality inspector for a plastics firm bail.
Two-year-old blows up kitchen
A two-year-old blew up his mom's kitchen when he put an aerosol can in the microwave.
Wiltshire firefighters tackled the blaze at the home in Essex Square, Harnham, near Salisbury at midday yesterday.
They managed to put the blaze out before it spread to the rest of the smoke-filled house. No one was hurt.A fire service spokesman said: The fire was started by an aerosol can being placed in the microwave by a two-year-old and the microwave switched on. This caused an explosion. Fortunately no one was hurt in the fire and everyone had evacuated the property before the fire service arrived.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
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Another Pinball Makeover
Every once in a while a company takes a stab at trying to
The latest entry into the digital pinball genre replaces the old mechanical table with a large flat screen display and interchangeable digital games. The system offers up the familiar top-down view and flipper controllers you’d find on a traditional pinball machine, but that’s about where the similarities end.
Austria’s TAB has created the “Virtual Pinball” platform to offer arcades a cost-effective way to offer multiple games in a single cabinet. At the core of the system is a 42-inch touchscreen surface, along with a proprietary gaming platform which allows new tables to be easily downloaded.The Super Cool PC
Need for Speed ProStreet has been released and now you are playing it from morning to night. Do you need a cooler? If yes, then take this idea; build your computer case covered with lots of fans. This one consists of 66 fans – front, back, top, bottom and the left and right.
Man attacked teenager for saying he looked like Simon Cowell
A man has admitted attacking a stranger who told him he looked like Simon Cowell.
Anthony Calvert, 45, punched student Adam Davies, 19, five times in the face in a pub in Aberystwyth, Ceredigion. Magistrates in the town were told Calvert left the pub, but returned later and again hit Mr Davies, of Aberdare, Rhondda Cynon Taf. Calvert said he had not been offended, but felt threatened. He'll be sentenced next month for actual bodily harm.
Small Bits of News
Police Pull Over Fake Squad Car
Milwaukee police said Sunday they have arrested a 19-year-old man for impersonating a police officer, saying he passed a squad car and other vehicles while driving a car that had a blaring siren and flashing red and blue lights on the interior.
The Milwaukee man was spotted about 7:55 p.m. Saturday in the area of S. 14th St. and W. Harrison Ave., said Capt. Gregory Habeck.
Click Here To Read More
Dog's Bark-Biting Could Cost $3,100
ALTOONA, Pa. (AP) - A pit bull that likes to get a lot of bark in its bite could end up costing its owner $3,100.
This summer, Tyler Port allowed his dog, Rossman, to run loose in a park. The dog apparently had a habit of chewing bark off trees, and Port was cited for failure to keep the dog under control.
John Iorio, the city's dog law officer, also is seeking $3,100 to cover the cost of replacing three honey locust trees, which a consultant said may die.
Port, 22, says his dog had an "infatuation" with trees and enjoyed rubbing up against them and hanging on their limbs from her teeth.
"The kids loved it, so I allowed it," Port said. "Once someone expressed concern, it ceased."
Port said he was optimistic an agreement could be reached and the charges would be dropped.
South Dakota Town To Rename Hooker St.
WHITEWOOD, S.D. (AP) - If the Rev. David Baer has his way, the Whitewood City Council will change the name of one of the northern Black Hills town's streets.
Hooker Street doesn't quite lend itself to a family atmosphere and is offensive to some residents in the town of about 800 people, according to Baer.
It's actually named after a Union general from the Civil War, but Baer said that even renaming it to General Hooker Street might not be much better.
Any renaming would affect one resident and six water bill accounts, said Brenda Lindstrom, Whitewood city finance officer.
The council is expected to discuss the request its Dec. 17 meeting.
Beauty pageant gown laced with pepper spray?
Organizers of a Puerto Rico beauty pageant are trying to figure out who laced a contestant's evening gowns and makeup with pepper spray. Ingrid Marie Rivera was composed while in front of the judges. Backstage, however, she was breaking out in hives.
A pageant spokeswoman said the first time Rivera had a reaction, they thought it may be allergies or even nerves. The second time, he said, they knew it wasn't a coincidence.
Rivera's clothing and makeup later tested positive for pepper spray. Even though she was swelling up and covered in hives, Rivera snagged the crown. She will represent Puerto Rico next year in Miss Universe. » Article here
Dude tries to deposit fake $1 million dollar bill
A bank teller had a million reasons not to open an account for an Augusta, Ga., man, authorities said. Alexander D. Smith, 31, was charged with disorderly conduct and two counts of forgery after he walked into the bank and tried to open an account by depositing a fake $1 million bill, said Aiken County Sheriff's spokesman Lt. Michael Frank. The employee refused to open the account and called police while the man started to curse at bank workers, Frank said. The second forgery charge came after investigators learned Smith bought several cartons of cigarettes from a nearby grocery store with a stolen check, Frank said.
The federal government has never printed a million-dollar bill, Frank said. » Article here
Man Caught Trying To Steal ATM With Backhoe
Deputies caught a man early Friday morning trying to steal an ATM from an East Naples bank by pulling it out of the ground with a stolen backhoe.
Brady Lee Wright, 22, is charged with burglary of a business, two counts of grand theft and two counts of criminal mischief.
Click Here To Read More
Police officer are not above the law.
A police officer has been ordered to wear an electronic tag for eight weeks after being convicted of assault. Dyfed Powys police constable Paul Summers, was caught on CCTV cameras hitting a motorist he had pulled over in Llanelli. Summers was given a 16 week suspended jail sentence at Swansea Magistrates' Court. He was also ordered to obey a night time curfew as part of the sentence and pay £200 compensation to his victim. Dyfed Powys Police has also confirmed that Summers has been suspended from the force following the investigation into the assault.
Milwaukee police said Sunday they have arrested a 19-year-old man for impersonating a police officer, saying he passed a squad car and other vehicles while driving a car that had a blaring siren and flashing red and blue lights on the interior.
The Milwaukee man was spotted about 7:55 p.m. Saturday in the area of S. 14th St. and W. Harrison Ave., said Capt. Gregory Habeck.
Click Here To Read More
Dog's Bark-Biting Could Cost $3,100
ALTOONA, Pa. (AP) - A pit bull that likes to get a lot of bark in its bite could end up costing its owner $3,100.
This summer, Tyler Port allowed his dog, Rossman, to run loose in a park. The dog apparently had a habit of chewing bark off trees, and Port was cited for failure to keep the dog under control.
John Iorio, the city's dog law officer, also is seeking $3,100 to cover the cost of replacing three honey locust trees, which a consultant said may die.
Port, 22, says his dog had an "infatuation" with trees and enjoyed rubbing up against them and hanging on their limbs from her teeth.
"The kids loved it, so I allowed it," Port said. "Once someone expressed concern, it ceased."
Port said he was optimistic an agreement could be reached and the charges would be dropped.
South Dakota Town To Rename Hooker St.
WHITEWOOD, S.D. (AP) - If the Rev. David Baer has his way, the Whitewood City Council will change the name of one of the northern Black Hills town's streets.
Hooker Street doesn't quite lend itself to a family atmosphere and is offensive to some residents in the town of about 800 people, according to Baer.
It's actually named after a Union general from the Civil War, but Baer said that even renaming it to General Hooker Street might not be much better.
Any renaming would affect one resident and six water bill accounts, said Brenda Lindstrom, Whitewood city finance officer.
The council is expected to discuss the request its Dec. 17 meeting.
Beauty pageant gown laced with pepper spray?
Organizers of a Puerto Rico beauty pageant are trying to figure out who laced a contestant's evening gowns and makeup with pepper spray. Ingrid Marie Rivera was composed while in front of the judges. Backstage, however, she was breaking out in hives.
A pageant spokeswoman said the first time Rivera had a reaction, they thought it may be allergies or even nerves. The second time, he said, they knew it wasn't a coincidence.
Rivera's clothing and makeup later tested positive for pepper spray. Even though she was swelling up and covered in hives, Rivera snagged the crown. She will represent Puerto Rico next year in Miss Universe. » Article here
Dude tries to deposit fake $1 million dollar bill
A bank teller had a million reasons not to open an account for an Augusta, Ga., man, authorities said. Alexander D. Smith, 31, was charged with disorderly conduct and two counts of forgery after he walked into the bank and tried to open an account by depositing a fake $1 million bill, said Aiken County Sheriff's spokesman Lt. Michael Frank. The employee refused to open the account and called police while the man started to curse at bank workers, Frank said. The second forgery charge came after investigators learned Smith bought several cartons of cigarettes from a nearby grocery store with a stolen check, Frank said.
The federal government has never printed a million-dollar bill, Frank said. » Article here
Man Caught Trying To Steal ATM With Backhoe
Deputies caught a man early Friday morning trying to steal an ATM from an East Naples bank by pulling it out of the ground with a stolen backhoe.
Brady Lee Wright, 22, is charged with burglary of a business, two counts of grand theft and two counts of criminal mischief.
Click Here To Read More
Police officer are not above the law.
A police officer has been ordered to wear an electronic tag for eight weeks after being convicted of assault. Dyfed Powys police constable Paul Summers, was caught on CCTV cameras hitting a motorist he had pulled over in Llanelli. Summers was given a 16 week suspended jail sentence at Swansea Magistrates' Court. He was also ordered to obey a night time curfew as part of the sentence and pay £200 compensation to his victim. Dyfed Powys Police has also confirmed that Summers has been suspended from the force following the investigation into the assault.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Death By Booze
How much alcohol would it take to kill you?
Find out how many of your favorite alcoholic beverages it would take to send you to a drunken grave. Look for your beverage of choice, enter your weight, select your gender, and see how much you have to drink before the alcohol kills you.
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There is roughly 25 1oz shots in a 750ml bottle
.Beach
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I Drink to Rock and Roll
Click Here For Video's
The Top 10 Songs To Get Drunk To
10. Kiss - Rock and Roll All Night
9. Deep Purple - Smoke On The Water
8. House Of Pain - Jump Around
7. ZZ Top - La Grange
6. Bon Jovi - Livin On A Prayer
5. Lynard Skynard - Sweet Home Alabama
4. Journey - Don’t Stop Believing
3. Boston - More Than A Feeling
2. ACDC - Have A Drink On Me
1. Billy Joel - Piano Man.
10. Kiss - Rock and Roll All Night
9. Deep Purple - Smoke On The Water
8. House Of Pain - Jump Around
7. ZZ Top - La Grange
6. Bon Jovi - Livin On A Prayer
5. Lynard Skynard - Sweet Home Alabama
4. Journey - Don’t Stop Believing
3. Boston - More Than A Feeling
2. ACDC - Have A Drink On Me
1. Billy Joel - Piano Man.
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Man hit it rich... for two weeks
A man from Utah mistakenly received a check for more than $2 million - VIDEO
http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2007/11/23/borget.million.mistake.ktvx
SALT LAKE CITY (AP) - There are probably a million ways Jerry Mika could spend $2 million dollars. Trouble is, he couldn't cash the check. Expecting a $15 refund from the Utah Department of Commerce, the Draper man opened his mail recently to find a $2,245,342 check.
http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2007/11/23/borget.million.mistake.ktvx
SALT LAKE CITY (AP) - There are probably a million ways Jerry Mika could spend $2 million dollars. Trouble is, he couldn't cash the check. Expecting a $15 refund from the Utah Department of Commerce, the Draper man opened his mail recently to find a $2,245,342 check.
Telltale Signs You're Probably an Asshole
You wildly overstate your case.
You act as if the rules don't apply to you. 
You preemptively tell others to fuck off.
This is your idea of holiday cheer.
You really believe it's that simple.
Rather than the 'Beware of Dog' sign you instead opt for this.
You have a five year old do your dirty work.
One obnoxious purchase is not enough.
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