Need a Laugh

Top Ten Reasons Trick-Or-Treating Is Better Than Sex
10. You’re guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don’t have to compliment the person who gave you candy.
6. The person giving you candy doesn’t fantasize you’re someone else.
5. If you get a stomach ache, it won’t last 9 months.
4. If you wear a Batman mask, no one thinks you’re kinky.
3. It doesn’t matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. Less guilt the next morning.
1. If you don’t get what you want, you can always go next door.
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S - H - I - T
A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, "T-G-I-F" (letters only).
He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T" (letters only)."
She looked at him, puzzled, and said, "T-G-I-F" again.
He acknowledged her remark again by answering, "S-H-I-T."
The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly "T-G-I-F" another time.
The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a quizzical expression, "S-H-I-T."
The blond finally decided to explain things, and this time she said, "T-G-I-F, Thank Goodness It’s Friday, get it?"
The man answered, "Sorry, Honey, It’s Thursday."
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Dead Serious
A couple has not been getting along for years, so the husband buys his wife a cemetery plot for her birthday.
Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn’t get her anything.
"Why didn’t you get me a birthday present!?" she asks angrily.
"Are you kidding me?" He replies, "You didn’t use what I got you last year!"
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Be Careful What You Wish For
A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.
During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband’s turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I’d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He turned 90.
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