Thursday, November 13, 2008

Small Bits of News You Didn’t Know you Needed

Woman killed by husband's coffin
Police say a woman has died on the way to a cemetery when a traffic accident hurled her husband's coffin against the back of her neck.
Police said 67-year-old Marciana Silva Barcelos was in the front passenger seat of the hearse when the accident occurred Monday in the southern state of Rio Grande do Sul.
Barcelos died instantly.
Her 76-year-old husband, Josi Silveira Coimbra, died Sunday of a heart attack while dancing at a party.
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Menu 'glues dog's jaws together'
A bizarre accident left his jaws glued together. Cymbeline, a Scottish terrier, is trained to pick up the post from the doormat and hand it over to his owner Kimberly Fisher, 41.
But the faithful pet became stuck when a high gloss finish on a fast food menu stuck his jaws closed for more than half an hour. Ms Fisher from Colchester, an academic researcher, said Cymbeline had been trained to collect the post without chewing it.
He brought me this menu but it had stuck his jaws together. It was a big, high gloss paper menu which had turned into a paste - the gum stuck it between his teeth. "He was trying very hard to open his mouth. It was funny as well as sad."
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Woman Sues Strip Club, Exotic Dancer Over Son's Death
A Houston mother sued a strip club and an exotic dancer in the DUI death of her son, alleging the dancer was forced to get drunk for her job.
Mattie Jean Johnson filed her wrongful death lawsuit against Rick's Cabaret and dancer Micaela Liem after her 43-year-old son Clinton Washington was struck and killed last Dec. 31 while trying to help a motorist in an auto accident.
The dancer had a blood alcohol limit of .215, according to the lawsuit.
"The more drinks the customers bought for the dancers, the more Rick's would profit," the lawsuit says. "The dancers', including Liem's, decision to consume alcohol while on the job was not voluntary. Rather, it was mandatory in order to continue successful employment at Rick's."
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Police Say Children's Candy Was Replaced with Pet Food
The contents of at least two bags of M&M's were apparently removed and replaced with what is believed to be pet food.
The snack pack-sized bags — and their contents — were turned over to New Jersey police and were sent to a state testing lab.
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Man allegedly attacks girlfriend over macaroni
A North Platte Nebraska man faces a domestic assault charge after he allegedly attacked his girlfriend last Saturday for making him macaroni for dinner. Investigator Dale Matuszczak said the woman called for help after locking herself in a bathroom.
Matuszczak said she apparently had been hit with a cooking pot, suffering a cut on her nose and bruise on her face.
According to the police report, the man was intoxicated and assaulted the woman when he discovered she made macaroni for his dinner. Food was tossed around the house as he hit the woman with the pot.
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Man tosses items under car after traffic stop
A routine traffic stop led to the arrest of two Memphis men on burglary charges after the passenger began surreptitiously tossing things under their car. According to a police report, the officer making the stop was talking to the driver when he noticed that the passenger had opened his door a bit and was acting a little odd.
Looking under the car, the officer spotted a gold bracelet and several rings. That led to a search of the car which turned up an Ipod, an Ipod docking station and other items that were reported taken in a residential burglary earlier in the day.
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Fleeing cops? Don't give them your ID first
Driver charged after handing over license at checkpoint and speeding away
It perhaps wasn't the most well thought out escape.
Police say a man handed over his license and registration at a sobriety checkpoint during the weekend, then peeled out and sped away, almost hitting an officer.
Police eventually pulled over the 32-year-old man and reported finding marijuana in his vehicle.
He was charged with driving under the influence of drugs, possession of drugs, disobeying a police officer and reckless conduct.
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Woman finds frozen pig head on pole in yard
The sight terrifies the woman's 9-year-old daughter
Idaho - Police are investigating after a woman leaving for work with her 9-year-old daughter on Sunday morning found a frozen pig head stuck on top of a pole next to a tree in her yard.
Jennifer Keller said the sight terrified her daughter.
Caldwell Police Sgt. Jim Watson said evidence suggests the head had been there just a few hours. Watson said if the person who left the head is caught, he could be charged with misdemeanor disturbing the peace.
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Prisoner mails himself to freedom
An inmate escaped from jail in Germany by posting himself out of prison in a giant FedEx box of dirty laundry.
Drug dealer Hans Lang, 42, hid in the laundry room after other inmates had finished work there and bundled himself up in dirty bed sheets in the large box.
The package was then loaded onto a van and driven through the gates at the prison in Willich near Dusseldorf.
He is understood to have waited until the driver made his next stop before getting out of the box, picking the lock on the back of the van and running off into nearby woods.
It was only discovered that he was missing after the driver saw the empty box and realised the lock to his van had been picked from the inside.
A spokesman for police who are now hunting him said: "It's the kind of thing people think only happens in films - but in this case it is very real."
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Book on sex positions given to primary pupils
Children on a primary school trip to Sainsbury's were given a book containing pictures of sex positions as a going home gift.
The book, How To Change The World For A Fiver, was mistakenly given to pupils, aged eight and nine, during a visit to the supermarket in Haverhill, Suffolk.
The 42 children, from Burton End primary, were surprised to read advice such as - have a bath with a friend to: "Save water. Have fun. Just get out before everything becomes wrinkled."
Other inappropriate suggestions in the £5 book include encouraging readers to shave in intimate places, streak, talk to strangers and hand out your phone number to five people on the street.
The blunder came to light only when a father heard his daughter giggling with friends as they flicked through the pages.
Engineer Andrew Dodd, 37, whose daughter Laura is eight, said: "I was furious. It was extremely inappropriate and irresponsible to give to children.
"The teachers were as horrified as we were when they saw it. Laura thought it was funny but thankfully she didn't really understand it."
A Sainsbury's spokesman admitted: "This was a well-intentioned mistake. It is a very nice book about how to make the world a better place but it is not targeted at children.
"The cover looks like a kid's book. This was a mix-up and we would like to apologize for any distress caused. It certainly won't happen again."
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FLORIDA NEWS
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Man hit in groin at batting cage awarded $1.2 million
Man, that musta really hurt.
And a Miami-Dade jury agreed.
So the jury awarded almost $1.2 million to a 21-year-old guy who was hit in the groin by a batting-cage pitch.
Lhyvann Felipe was 19 years old when struck by a 60 mph pitch and landed in the hospital.
The ball struck him after an employee asked him to go back into the batting cage to help pick up the balls.
The machine, which had already completed the cycle and did not have the lights on, spit out the ball, which hit him.
The jury decided that the Sluggers batting cage operation at Tamiami Park in West Miami-Dade negligently failed to properly supervise its employees.
The judgment called for Felipe to be paid $160,000 for medical expenses and $1 million for pain and suffering.
Yeah, the million sounds about right.
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Suspects try to write dirty word in the road but can't spell it
Oh, f ---.
But wait. How do you spell that word?
Evidently, it was beyond the capabilities of some alleged thieves in Mary Esther.
Cops say a trio of spelling-challenged folks boarded a boat and stole several items, which they used to vandalize the area.
The suspects took one flashlight, two flare guns and some flares, a fire extinguisher and a radio.
They then sprayed the fire extinguisher into a mailbox, before using it to spray an expletive in the road.
We're not gonna write the word here. You know it.
It contains four letters. But in this case, it was missing the last letter -- a "k."
Even though the letters could be washed off the roadway and the word was spelled wrong, the suspects will face criminal mischief/graffiti charge, the cops say.
If they catch 'em, we recommend a remedial spelling class as part of the sentence.
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Man can't identify couple -- because he only saw them naked
He knew what the couple was doing. He just didn't know how to describe them.
So when the witness tried to identify the Panama City duo to cops, words failed him.
The couple was having sex but he couldn't tell cops what they looked like, the witness said.Because they were totally naked.He could only describe them as a light-skinned black man and a white woman.
After a short search around the area, the officer found a couple matching the description at McKenzie Park.
A check of their ID's showed they both had warrants for failure to pay fines.
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Beer guzzling guy accused of urinating in church
You know what they say about beer. You only rent it. You never buy it.
So when a Fort Pierce guy guzzled a case -- yes, a case of beer -- on his birthday, all that booze had to go somewhere, so he just peed at church
A cop noticed Raymond C. Kersey "urinating on the entrance," the cop report states.
"I asked him for his name and if he had any identification on him and he just stared at me, appearing to be lost," it also states.
Kersey, who smelled of alcohol, had bloodshot eyes and turned 52 Tuesday, had difficulty standing in one place and tried to walk away from the cop.
Big mistake.
As the officer took Kersey to jail, Kersey said he’d imbibed a case of beer.
Amen to honesty.
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Portable urinal disguised as golf club
A Miami Beach, Fla., urologist said he has invented a stealth urinal resembling a golf club for players too busy to stop their game to relieve themselves.
Dr. Floyd Seskin, 49, said he invented the UroClub, which is designed to look like a 7-iron and fit in a golf bag, after hearing a story from a former patient about having to relieve himself in the woods during golf games due to his prostate condition, the New York Daily News reported Wednesday.
"I wanted people to feel a level of comfort," Seskin said. "Worry where the pin is, not where's the next bathroom."
The urologist-turned-inventor said the UroClub features a wide opening on the top and a handle that can hold about a half a liter of liquid. He said it comes with a golf towel that can attach to the club and a golfer's belt for privacy.
"You can do it anywhere," Seskin said. "It looks like you're practicing your swing or something."
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Police: Fort Lauderdale Florida girl shot peer in crowded school hall
A sophomore high school student shot and killed one of her peers after an argument in a crowded hallway between classes, then walked to a nearby restaurant to call authorities and turn herself in, police said.

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