Small Bits of News You Didn’t Know you Needed

Woman calls police because daughter was better at oral sex
A woman called officers to complain that her daughter had performed oral sex on her husband – and that the daughter was better at it.
The guilty off-spring was actually the step-daughter of the man.
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530 pound man refuses to use elephant X-ray machine
A 36-stone German man has died after refusing to be X-rayed using a machine for elephants at a zoo.
Thomas Lessmann, 51, was too overweight to be scanned with normal machinery at a hospital. But the thought of being X-rayed on a giant machine at Hamburg Zoo too humiliating.
He had been suffering for months from dizziness and perpetual tiredness that doctors were convinced was due to his enormous girth.
Doctors spoke with Hamburg Zoo and lined him up for a scan under the apparatus used for elephants, rhinos and hippos.
But his wife Petra, 41, said; "He felt so ashamed when they said he would have to go to the zoo to be X-rayed. He simply refused."
Thirteen days later he was dead.
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The Walking Dead
A Brazilian bricklayer reportedly killed in a car crash shocked his mourning family by showing up alive at his funeral.
Relatives of Ademir Jorge Goncalves had identified him as the victim of a Sunday night car crash in Parana state in southern Brazil, police said.
As is customary in Brazil, the funerals were held the following day, which happened to be the holiday of Finados, when Brazilians visit cemeteries to honor the dead.
No one knew that Goncalves had spent the night at a truck stop talking with friends over drinks of sugarcane liquor known as cachaca.
He did not get word about his own funeral until it was already happening on Monday morning.
Goncalves rushed to the funeral to let family members know he was not dead.
"The corpse was badly disfigured, but dressed in similar clothing," said the police spokesman. "People are afraid to look for very long when they identify bodies, and I think that is what happened in this case."
The body was correctly identified later on Monday, the police spokesman said, and has already been buried in another state.
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