Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Just Jokes

My sister walked into a men's clothing store looking to buy a shirt for me and pants for my stepfather. Now, I'm well over six feet tall and my stepdad is pretty short, so she asked a salesman for help. "I'm looking for a shirt with an 18 neck and 38-inch sleeves," she told him, "and trousers with a 30-inch waist and an inseam of 27 inches." After absorbing those measurements, the salesman said, "I have to ask. Do this guy's knuckles drag on the floor?"


I do the water and sewer billing for a small city in Washington State. Customers complained about our postcard-sized bills -- which they said looked too much like junk mail -- so we decided to start sending full-sized bills in envelopes. The month before we made the switch, I had a note printed on the cards, announcing the change. Two days later, I heard someone yelling at our receptionist "Is this some kind of joke?" When the customer threw his bill on the desk, I saw his point. The note was printed: "Coming Soon! New Larger Bills!"


Late one night I stopped at one of those 24-hour gas station mini-marts to get myself a fresh-brewed cup of coffee. When I picked up the pot, I could not help noticing that the brew was as black as asphalt and just about as thick. "How old is the coffee you have here?" I asked the woman who was standing behind the store counter. She shrugged. "I don't know. I've only been working here two weeks."

Service in the restaurant was abysmally slow. My husband was starting to flip out, so I tried to distract him with small talk.
"You know," I said, "our friend Christi should be having her baby anytime now."
"Really?" my husband snapped. "She wasn't even pregnant when we walked in here."

When a woman called 911 complaining of difficulty breathing, my husband, Glenn, and his partner -- both EMTs -- rushed to her home. Glenn placed a sensor on her finger to measure her pulse and blood oxygen. Then he began to gather her information. "What's your age?" he asked."Fifty-eight," answered the patient, eyeing the beeping device on her finger."What does that do?""It's a lie detector," said Glenn with a straight face. "Now, what did you say your age was?""Sixty-seven," answered the woman sheepishly.

Have You Ever Wondered..............

Have you ever wondered what IDIOTS look like?
Well, wonder no more!
Pull-ups on a crane

This won't happen in the U.S.

Just one way to get people not to litter


Snacking in the Future

The Col-Pop, an All-in-One Chicken Nugget and Soda Cup

The Col-Pop: emerging technology from South Korean fried chicken chain BBQ Chicken. Popcorn chicken rides up top; cola chills out below.
Proving yet again that South Korea is light years ahead of everyone else in fast-food technology is The Col-Pop. The nation that brought the world the spiral-cut potato on a stick and hot-dog-stuffed pizza ushers in a new era of snack portability with this mashup of drink cup and food container that holds popcorn chicken up top and a cold drink in the bottom.

The Col-Pop is the brainchild of BBQ Chicken, a South Korea–based fried chicken chain that has recently set its sights on worldwide chicken domination (though at this time, it only has locations in New York, New Jersey, and North Carolina). From the looks of this container, on-the-go America will certainly eat it up. It's perfect for handy snacking while walking, driving, talking on the phone, or—as we discovered the other day—blogging.
And the genius doesn't stop at popcorn chicken. In South Korea, sister company BHC Chicken also offers spaghetti, french fries, and fried mozzarella balls in Col-Pop containers. The Col-Pops we inspected come in two sizes: small (20 ounce cup) and large (32 ounce).

Flashing BOOBS Causes Car Acident.

Bullet Knobs

Bullet Knobs and Passage Door Knobs, for the man who has everything.

Passage Door Knob
Bullet Knobs

Man manages to call 911 after a car fell on his face at a junkyard

911 Audio

Have you heard of the Ferrari Tank?

Websites of interest to some



A man peeling a banana using his buttocks



Drunken man with bike caught on tape in road in Brazil

The curious case of the handcuffed boy

Young boy finds mom's sex toys
A schoolboy turned to firefighters for help after getting stuck in a pair of handcuffs.
The eight-year-old was taken to Copnor Fire Station in Portsmouth by his grandmother on Sunday after finding the cuffs in his mom's bedroom.
Members of the Copnor crew reckons it's one of the strangest jobs they've seen. Green watch firefighter Dan French said: 'The little boy came to the fire station with his grandmother and had the cuffs hanging from one wrist.
Before we released him I asked if he was on the run from the police but he assured me he wasn't.
And then his grandmother said he'd found the cuffs in his mother's bedroom. She immediately realised what she'd said and put her hand over her mouth.
It's beyond my wildest imagination why someone would keep handcuffs in their bedroom. Mr French added: They weren't toy cuffs, they were proper hardened steel. The crew freed the boy with industrial metal cutters.

What Is The Temperture Where You Are At?

Billiard Trick.

Drunk student eats key 'so he can keep partying'

Party-mad student Chris Foster ended up in hospital after swallowing his door key because he didn't want to end a drinking binge. Chris, 18, of Highfield Road, Southampton, had downed six beers, vodka and whisky at a friend's flat when he gulped down the Yale to avoid being taken home.

After spending the night on a pal's sofa he borrowed a spare key to get back into his accommodation. But the next day a nurse at Bournemouth University, where he is studying computer aided product design, told him to go to hospital as the key could obstruct his digestive system. Chris spent five hours in casualty at the Royal Bournemouth Hospital, where staff X-rayed him, until the key emerged naturally - 31 hours after he had swallowed it.

Ann Grain from NHS Direct said the student had had a lucky escape. "It was obviously a very irresponsible thing to do," she said.Photos from here.

Man hands couple a $100,000 check

Des Moines Iowa, A man had a couple in a restaurant fill out a check
"for any amount they wanted" in a random act of kindness.

Let’s make a Deal

Why I Like Retirement

Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday
Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep in the recliner.
Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.
Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.
Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% percent discount.
Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.
Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.
Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS!
Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.
Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal
Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.
Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.
Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.
Question: What do you do all week?
Answer: Monday to Friday; Nothing Saturday & Sunday I rest.
What’s the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

Tale Of Two Brains - Funny But True

Squirrel and the Sport Drink


1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman, whom you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.

Small Bits of News

Man packs power tool down pants
A DIY daredevil stuffs a huge £800 electric drill down his pants – plus a hefty pack of drill bits – then calmly leaves a store without anyone noticing. The theft was uncovered when the shop boss checked CCTV tapes in Xiamen, South East China. He said: The drill weighed 10kg and the box of bits was as big as a volleyball.”

Woman Says Sex Act Caused Car Crash
Police said they arrested a man and woman who wrecked their vehicle and lied to police about who was driving.
Nitro police were called Saturday to the scene of a one-vehicle crash in the 1100 block of 1st Avenue.
Click Here To Read More

Man Steals Plasma TV From Hotel
Investigators are looking for a man caught on camera stealing a plasma TV from a hotel lobby.
The theft happened Monday night at the Hampton Inn on Airport Court, which is just east of Jacksonville International Airport.
Click Here To Read More

Iowa has more Cell Phones than Landlines
A report from Iowa's Utilities Board has found that at the middle of last year, the number of cellphone users in the US state exceeded the number of landlines by a total of 400,000. The report says that the total number of wireless connections in Iowa as of June 30, 2007, is 1,943,334. Wireless carriers are serving at least 97 percent of all Iowa communities.
» Full article here