Saturday, December 1, 2007

Gas Tricks - When Filling Up at the Pump

THIS WAS A E-MAIL I RECEIVED
(Not sure who initially wrote this, but it makes for some good advice)
I don't know what you guys are paying for gasoline....

Only buy or fill up your car or truck in the early morning when the ground temperature is still cold. Remember that all service stations have their storage tanks buried below ground. The colder the ground the more dense the gasoline, when it gets warmer gasoline expands, so buying in the afternoon or in the evening....your gallon is not exactly a gallon. In the petroleum business, the specific gravity and the temperature of the gasoline, diesel and jet fuel, ethanol and other petroleum products plays an important role. A 1-degree rise in temperature is a big deal for this business. But the service stations do not have temperature compensation at the pumps.
.
When you're filling up do not squeeze the trigger of the nozzle to a fast mode. If you look you will see that the trigger has three (3) stages: low, middle, and high. In slow mode you should be pumping on low speed, thereby minimizing the vapors that are created while you are pumping. All hoses at the pump have a vapor return. If you are pumping on the fast rate, some of the liquid that goes to your tank becomes vapor. Those vapors are being sucked up and back into the underground storage tank so you're getting less worth for your money.
.
One of the most important tips is to fill up when your gas tank is HALF FULL or HALF EMPTY. The reason for this is, the more gas you have in your tank the less air occupying its empty space. Gasoline evaporates faster than you can imagine.
.
Another reminder. If there is a gasoline truck pumping into the storage tanks when you stop to buy gas, DO NOT fill up--most likely the gasoline is being stirred up as the gas is being delivered, and you might pick up some of the dirt that normally settles on the bottom.

Hope this will help you get the most value for your money.

The man with two faces

This one is tattoo on.

Learning the hard way is sometimes the only way you learn


Awesome Sand Sculpture


Teacher helping out

A group of 3rd, 4th and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry, but mostly to see the horses.
When it was time to take the children to the bathroom it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.
The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.
Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one holding onto their "wee wees" to direct the flow away from their clothes.
As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed.
Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, "You must be in the 5th grade.
"No, ma'am, he replied "I'm the jockey riding Silver Arrow in the seventh."

Dumbasses

Naughty Drinks

Blowjob (shooter recipe)
INGREDIENTS
1/2 part Vodka
1/2 part Kahlua
Cream
DIRECTIONS
Place vodka and Kahlua in shot glass.
Top with whipped cream. Drink without using your hands!!
..
Quick Fuck (shooter recipe)
INGREDIENTS
1 part Midori® melon liqueur
1 part Baileys® Irish cream
DIRECTIONS
Pour in 1 measure of Midori into shot glass; proceed to pour Irish Cream gently on to top to give layering effect!
..
Pink pussy (cocktail recipe)
INGREDIENTS
6 oz. Vodka
6 oz. Pink lemonade
0.25 Lbs. Ice cubes
DIRECTIONS
Blend Vodka, lemonade & ice tell slushy
..
Sex (cocktail recipe)
INGREDIENTS
1 part Kahlua
1 part Grand Marnier
DIRECTIONS
Serve in lowball glass.
..
Fucking hot (cocktail recipe)
INGREDIENTS
1 1/2 oz. Absolut Peppar®
1 1/2 oz. Cinnamon schnapps
DIRECTIONS
Mix in a glass or a metal cup
..
Virgin pussy (shooter recipe)
INGREDIENTS
1 oz. Watermelon schnapps
1 oz. Cinnamon schnapps
1 Sugar
DIRECTIONS
Just pour in both of the schnapps and add the pinch of sugar.
..
Screaming Orgasm (cocktail recipe)
INGREDIENTS
1 part Vodka
1/2 part Kahlua
1 1/2 parts Baileys® Irish cream
DIRECTIONS
Pour vodka, then Irish cream, then Kahlua into an old-fashioned glass over crushed ice. Stir.
Use only high quality vodka as cheap vodka can cause the Irish cream to curdle.
..
Sex on the Bathroom Floor (cocktail recipe)
INGREDIENTS
2 parts Malibu
1/2 part Crème de cacao (dark)
top up Cola
pinch of Vanilla ice cream
1 Chocolate flake
DIRECTIONS
Mix the Malibu and the crème de cacao together, put in the frosted glass then slowly add the coke.
Add the ice cream then put the chocolate flake on top.
..
Rotten pussy (shooter recipe)
INGREDIENTS
1 oz. Midori® melon liqueur
1/2 oz. Amaretto Di Saronno®
1/2 oz. Southern Comfort®
1/2 oz. Malibu
Splash Sour mix
Splash Pineapple juice
DIRECTIONS
Shake all ingredients and serve as a shooter

Top 10 Reasons Relationships With Robots Will Be Better For Men

1) Robots come with manuals
2) A robot will function the same way every day of the month
3) With a robot,
Larry Craig can get dates outside of public restrooms
4) A robot will take up less room in the closet - they sleep standing up
5) Robots don’t have in-laws
6) A robot won’t take half of your assets when you replace it
7) You won’t need counseling to fix a robot’s alignment
8) Robots don’t have cats
9) You won’t be able to marry a robot outside Massachusetts
10) A robot won’t expect to be let off a sinking ship first

Men's Toiletiquette 101


Men how to use a Public Restroom Without Annoying Everyone



Everyone has to use it, so why not make it as pleasant as possible for everyone involved?



All You'll Need Is Common Sense
You do know what that means don't you?



Step One
Don't use the urinal next to another man if another urinal or stall is free.

Step Two
Just because you're in the bathroom doesn't mean you have license to "let one rip" as you pee. Save it for the stall.

Step Three
Don't be one of these types:


• The sigher, enjoying a piss way too much.


• The cell phone talker


• The premature flusher


• The conversation (two or more people)


• The NNF (No Need to Flush)


• The NNW (No Need to Wash), cousin to the NNF,


• The hock 'n spitter


• The toothbrusher/flosser/hygiene guy


• The whistler


• The groaner

Step Four
Make sure to put away your junk before walking away from the urinal.


No one wants to see that.



Step Five
Don't tap your feet, snap your fingers, breath irregularly or do anything that could be misconstrued as some sort of secret message to a neighboring stall.

Step Six
Regulate your stream so that you pee as long as possible, since it's a scientific fact that the length of one's pee is proportional to the length of one's pee-pee.

Step Seven
If you're in the stall, wait until the coast is clear before coming out. No one wants to associate a face with your stench. On a related note, don't leave your access badge on your waistband. When your pants drop to the floor, everyone else can see your picture.

Step Eight
If there is a "glory hole," get out. Immediately.

Mint or drug: Is Hershey's cracked?



FAMILY COURT Judge Lori Dumas Brooks wanted to make sure she wasn't overreacting.
So she held the small blue packet of powdered substance in her palm and showed it around at work yesterday.
Everyone asked the same thing:
What was she doing with crack cocaine?
"I thought she confiscated it in the courtroom," said Administrative Judge Kevin Dougherty.
No one could believe what the tiny pouch actually was: a new breath mint made by - get this - Hershey's.
Ice Breakers Pacs, which hit the stores this month, are dissolvable pouches in blue or orange that looks uncannily like tiny heat-sealed bags of cocaine, crack, heroin or any other powdered drug.
The Pacs, filled with powdered mint and sweetener, are meant to dissolve on the tongue like breath strips.
They're even packaged in a plastic slide-top case similar to the magnetic key cases drug dealers use to hide their wares under cars.

Reverse Bungee Jump

Discovery Channel's Stunt Junkies:

Invasion of fast foods

FAST FOODS ARE TAKING OVER THE WORLD (NOT GOOD)


EVEL Knievel ...R.I.P.


Wild Turkey

A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a young boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm.

He stopped and asked the boy, "Where did you get that turkey?"

The boy replied, "What turkey?"

The game warden said, "That turkey you're carrying under your arm."

The boy looks down and said, "Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!"

The game warden said, "Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you. If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break his wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?"

The little boy said, "I guess I'll just kiss his ass and let him go!"

All the driver had to do is stop and ask for directions.

Must have been a "Male Driver" LOL!!! Sorry Guys

Japanese Humanoid - Twenty One

Japanese scientists have developed a robot that can pick up a loaf of bread without crushing it, serve toast, help lift people out of bed and even lend a hand with the housework.
They claim the 4ft 10ins robot, which has soft hands and fingers, can become even more like its human inventors.
The Japanese humanoid - called Twenty one - has enough strength to support humans as they sit up and stand, and can make supple movements that respond to human touch.
Shigeki Sugano, professor of mechanical engineering at Waseda University, Tokyo, said: "In our super-ageing society, both strength and delicacy are required for robots. Twenty-One is the first robot that can meet those conditions." The Japanese team aims to have the robot on sale by 2015.

Small Bits of News

102 Buried Urns Stolen From Cemetery
INDIANAPOLIS -- At least 102 buried urns were stolen from a west-side Indianapolis cemetery in the past week, and police say the thief or thieves may intend to sell the metal.
"It is a very personal matter and very disturbing -- emotional -- for our families that come back to the gravesite," cemetery manager Cinnamon Caughlan said Wednesday. The cemetery said it has warned area scrap yards that someone might try to sell the urns to them.
Indianapolis police said they would patrol the cemetery to try to prevent more urn thefts.
No arrests have been made in the case.
"The two kinds of thieves people despise the most are ones that would steal from their family or steal from a graveyard.
I think that just disgusts people to no end," Indianapolis police Lt. Steve Watts said.

911 Is Not A Chat Line
A Michigan man is learning the hard way that 911 isn't a chat line.
A jury has convicted Preston Bennett of calling Cass County's emergency dispatchers more than 1,000 times to chit-chat about the news and other things.
Click Here To Read More

Boys of 12 using anabolic steroids to 'get girls'
Boys as young as 12 and 13 are using anabolic steroids to beef up their bodies in a bid to "get girls", government advisers have warned. Latest figures show that 200,000 people in Britain have tried bodybuilding anabolic steroids - including an increasing number of teenage boys. The Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs called for a government awareness campaign on the health hazards. Lord Victor Adebowale, a member of the advisory council and chief executive of the drugs charity Turning Point, told the meeting: "This stuff isn't being used just by people who want to be athletes, but by people who want to be in boy bands and get girls." Steroids can make the testicles wither and cause sterility.

Wife steals husband's £55,000 = 113 751 U.S. dollars life savings
A loving husband went to buy his wife a ruby wedding treat - and found she had stolen his life savings. Popular artist Des Haggart, 62, discovered wife Veronica had been systematically stealing from him throughout their 40-year marriage. Her crimes only came to light when Des opened his safe to get money to treat her to a surprise meal to mark their ruby wedding anniversary. When he opened a bag in which he had saved nearly £8000, he found the cash had been replaced by tissues.
He called the police after confronting his wife, who admitted she had been taking money for years.Yesterday, after Haggart, 64, admitted obtaining £55,000 by fraud and was warned she faced jail, Des hit out: "I couldn't divorce that woman quick enough. If I never see her again it will be too soon."