Monday, February 25, 2008

Did You Learn These Too?

25 Things I Learned From My Mom
Love your Mamma, for she will give you the tools to build a successful life.
Even though Mother’s Day is still months away, appericiating your mother is always in season.

Here’s why…
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
You better pray that will come out of the carpet.
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
Because I said so, that’s why.
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
Shut your mouth and eat your supper.
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
Stop acting like your father!
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
Just wait until we get home.
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
You are going to get it when you get home!
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.
19. My mother taught me ESP.
Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?
20. My mother taught me HUMOR (so that I could write this blog… ummm yea).
When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
You’re just like your father.
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!

IFH Mondays (NSFW)

A New Drug

Urban Eyesores

Science Fair Experiments.

High School sure has changed since I was in school.

Car Phone

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Good Luck Chuck Trailer

Been better off if I didn't see this

Some Of The Best ‘Out of Office’ Automatic e-mail Replies

1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.
Please be prepared for my mood.
2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office.
If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
3. Sorry to have missed you,
But I’m at the doctor’s having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
4. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation.
Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
5. Thank you for your email.
Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
6. The email server is unable to verify your server connection.
Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again.
7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system.
You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
8. Hi, I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me.
Please wait by your PC for my response.
9. I’ve run away to join a different circus.
10. I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons.
When I return, please refer to me as ‘Kate’ instead of Dave.

Did You Know....

What Do You See?

ANSWER: Drag your mouse below
Get your mind out of the gutter.
Thanks B&P


A homeless man called 911 from a pay phone in the 1200 block of South U.S. 1. A police officer found him sitting on the ground intoxicated. At first the man told police he called 911 to report a fight. No one else in the area saw a fight. The man then told the officer he called because he had nowhere else to go and wanted to go to jail. The officer left the man. A few minutes later, the man called 911 again. He told the officer he wanted somewhere to sleep. He was arrested for abusing 911.
An officer reported to the 1900 block of Southwest Capri Street on a child-abuse tip. When the officer arrived, he saw a 9-year-old girl standing outside in 55-degree temperatures in only a halter top and pants. The girl went inside when he got out of his car. The girl's father spoke with the officer and told him the girl was sleeping and was not outside. The officer placed the father in the squad car while he spoke with the girl. She told the officer her father told her to stand outside as bait for her mother to return home. She had been standing outside for five minutes when the officer arrived. The father was arrested for child abuse.
A driver did not stop at a stop sign at the intersection of Eighth Street and Avenue D. He was pulled over. There was alcohol on his breath. He was arrested for driving under the influence. While driving to the county jail, the man slipped his right hand out of the handcuffs and banged on the partition, causing the mechanical lock to stop working properly. He opened the partition and hit the officer in the face. The man then tried to choke the officer. Other officers helped secure the man, who resisted violently. He was handcuffed and placed in leg irons. He was also charged with battery on a law enforcement officer.
A man and a woman had just gotten back to their home in the 300 block of Southwest Tulip Boulevard. The woman's brother-in-law was watching TV with four of his friends. He left to drop them off at their homes. However, they returned half an hour later and attacked the man. They kicked him, took his wallet, cellphone, car keys and money clip. One of the attackers was about to hit him with a metal pole, but one of the other attackers dissuaded him. They realized that the woman had called 911 and they left. The attackers also stole a radar detector, several CDs and a pocket knife from the man's car. The officer was able to reach the brother-in-law by telephone and informed him that there will be a warrant for his arrest. He and his friends will be charged with armed robbery, battery and auto burglary.
About 11 p.m., a man was walking along Northwest Bayshore Boulevard when a man grabbed him from behind and placed a metal object against his back and demanded his money. The robber stole $100. The man did not call police until 4 p.m. the next day.
A girl was riding her bicycle on Southwest Thanksgiving Avenue when a vehicle with three men approached her. The man in rear passenger seat shot a BB gun at her and then drove away. No one was arrested.
For two hours a car drove along Southwest Lexington Street honking its horn. While a police officer spoke with the complainant, the driver returned. The officer stopped the vehicle. The driver became irate and hostile when the officer questioned him. When the officer tried to arrest him, he resisted. The man started yelling and refused to comply. Several residents came outside their homes because of the commotion. The man was arrested for resisting arrest and breach of peace.
After being released from jail, a woman returned to her home in the 2400 block of Southeast Addison Street. She was making a bagel when her husband started arguing with her about her legal situation. She became upset and threw the bagel at her husband, hitting him in the face. She stormed out to her friend's house. Her husband called police. Police found her and questioned her. She told police that her husband knocked the plate out of her hand and when she was trying to catch the plate, she accidentally hit him in the face. Because of the conflicting stories, neither was arrested.
Police responded to a suicide call in the 500 block of Southeast Tanner Avenue. A woman told police she was arguing with her boyfriend because her boyfriend's grandfather gave their 6-month-old baby apples with cinnamon. She became upset and pushed him, but she did not try to kill herself. She was arrested for domestic violence battery.
Port St. Lucie Police

Small Bits of News

DUMB - Phone thief revealed to be un-sexy.
Friday, February 22, 2008 Modern technology is a wonderful thing. Not only does it allow us to communicate with people from around the world and share ideas and information in a utopian network of social potential, but it allows us to
for their underwear choices.

Farewell to UniqueDaily
It's been fun, but UD is now over. I'm working on a new music project that I can't pass up. I want to thank all the 3,000 - 5,000 daily visitors for making fun while it lasted. Cya later, alligator! -- Michael
I'd noticed it hadn't been updated for a few days, which was very unusual.
UniqueDaily was one of my favorite websites that I visited everyday.
I’m wishing you success in your new adventure, Michael!
Runaway lawnmower kills Buddhist monk
A Buddhist monk was killed when he was run over by a lawnmower as he cut the grass at his temple, an inquest has been told.Ten years before his death the Rev Seiji Handa had suffered another accident with a lawnmower, in which he lost three of his fingers, the inquest was told.A witness told the jury that she had found the body of Mr Handa in pieces after he fell beneath the sharp blades of the tractor-driven mower at the Peace Pagoda in Milton Keynes. Venita Slater said that moments before his death she had seen him running after the driverless machine as it pulled away from him while he was out mowing lawns in the 12-acre grounds of the peace center that he had set up nearly 30 years ago.
One Japanese suicide every 15 minutes
Japan's grim reputation as one of the world's suicide nations has been confirmed by statistics that show more than 30,000 people a year have taken their own lives since figures first began to rise in 1998. In 2006, there were 32,115 suicides - 25 per 100,000 people; nearly 100 people a day; one every 15 minutes. The most common hour of death is 5am for men and noon for women, after their families have left for work or school. The helpline takes an estimated 720,000 calls a year at its 49 centers.