Thursday, October 23, 2008

Funny Cats

Swedish hockey fans delay match with dildo downpour

Supporters of the Stockholm-based AIK ice hockey team scored an unusual hat trick of heckling on Tuesday night featuring dildos, profane banners, and a giant inflatable penis. The taunts were directed at Jan Huokko, a stocky defenceman with the Leksand hockey club in Sweden’s second-tier professional hockey league, and a former player with AIK.

Small Bits of News You Didn’t Know you Needed

A woman shoplifter, brandish a used female sanitary napkin
A 27-year-old woman accused of shoplifting cologne and trying to touch an officer with a "well-used and bloody female sanitary napkin" Tuesday is facing charges, according to an arrest affidavit released Wednesday.
Ermith Emonfils, of the 400 block of North 14th Street, was stopped after allegedly walking out of a Walgreen's on Orange Avenue without paying for a $29.99 box of Elizabeth Arden Mediterranean cologne. Emonfils also had a bottle of bright green Sinful Colors nail polish and a package of "extra long" black fake eyelashes.
Picture and More
That's certainly well beyond "gross".
That's just bloody disgusting!
WTF? They should have used the taser...
Kids Found Living Among Rattlesnakes in Filthy New Mexico Home
Two Deming residents were arrested on child abuse charges after Luna County Sheriff's investigators found four children living in an unkempt home where rattlesnakes were caged in chicken wire.
Frederick Probst, 31, and Heather Billy, 22, each face four counts of child abuse, a third-degree felony. The children — ages 7, 3, 1 year and 6 months — were taken into custody by state social workers.
Deputies responded Friday to a report of a 3-year-old boy walking and running barefoot.
They discovered the children at a home that had a non-working toilet, dirty dishes piled in a sink, no running water and a child in soiled diapers. The home had animal and human feces inside and other evidence of poor child care.
That's just wrong to treat kids that way the two adults must been on drugs or drunks.
Naked man screams about Satan, runs from police
A naked man acting erratically and yelling about Satan shocked some people early Wednesday and gave chase to several Iowa City Police officers.
Sgt. Troy Kelsay said it took seven patrol officers to subdue an 18-year-old man who was witnessed by at least six people running around naked on the 800 block of Iowa Avenue. Kelsay declined to identify the man.
The first report of man came to officers at 5:55 a.m. Wednesday. The caller said a man was in the median of Iowa Avenue screaming obscenities. Kelsay said that caller gave a clothing description for the man. However, subsequent calls and in-person reports to the police station indicated the man shed his clothes.
Among the multiple witnesses was a woman who said he yelled at her as she walked down Iowa Avenue. Another caller said the man was lying down in the median of the street. Kelsay said the man was showing "very erratic, bizarre behavior."
"He was screaming about heaven, screaming about hell, screaming about Satan," Kelsay said.
Bust nets 95 lbs. of pot
A routine traffic stop in Coralville became a bit more complicated when police officers allegedly found more than 80 pounds of marijuana in the cargo area of the van.
George Randall Ranshaw, 57, of 2128 S. Riverside Drive No. 94 in Iowa City, was arrested for possession of marijuana with intent to deliver and an Iowa drug stamp violation, according to a statement from police.
After police executed a search warrant, they found another 15 pounds of marijuana at Ranshaw's home.
According to police, Ranshaw was stopped by a police officer at 2 a.m. for speeding on First Avenue north of Holiday Road.
This guy wasn't very smart when you're breaking the law first thing is not draw attention to yourself.
Robbery Suspect Identified By Severed Thumb
Police say a man suspected in an armed robbery at an alleged brothel in Washington, D.C. left a key piece of evidence at the scene — his thumb.
Police say 22-year-old Bryan Perez and an accomplice made off with hundreds of dollars in cash in the Oct. 11 raid. According to charging documents, one of the victims took control of Perez's silver machete and hacked off his right thumb.
About two hours after the robbery, a nine-fingered Perez went to an emergency room. Police caught up with him and brought the severed thumb to the hospital.
According to an arrest affidavit, a doctor told police the thumb "fits like a puzzle piece." Perez was transferred to a Baltimore hospital to have it reattached.
On Tuesday, a judge ordered the Hyattsville, Md., man held without bond.


To get acquainted with his new Parish, the Priest decided to call on some daily. One he selected was a young widow, her husband, according to the index card, had died two years ago.
After knocking at the door, he was greeted by a young lady with a baby in her arms.
He said, "I’m sorry, I must have the wrong address, I was looking for the widow Smith."
"You’ve found her, Father," smiled the lady.
"Well, according to the card here, it says your husband died over two years ago." he said glancing at the baby in her arms.
"That’s correct, Father, he surely did. But I didn’t."
Calling in Work Sick
A guy works a new job on Thursday and Friday. On Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."
He works the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."
The boss asks the foreman about him, and the foreman says, "He's great. He does the work of two men. We need him."
So the boss calls the guy into his office, and says, "You seem to have a problem getting to work on Mondays. You're a good worker and I'd hate to fire you. What's the problem? Anything we can help you with? Drugs? Alcohol?"
The guy says, "No, I don't drink or do drugs. But my brother-in-law drinks every weekend, and then beats on my sister. So every Monday morning, I go over to make sure she's all right. She puts her head on my shoulder and cries, one thing leads to another, and the next thing you know, I'm fucking her."
The boss says, "You fuck your sister?"
The guy says, "Hey, I told you I was sick."