Saturday, June 14, 2008

Wassup grandma.

Kid fails driving test 5 times in a day while on cell phone.

What you do when your...

...little one room apartment is not big enough to watch the big game.


You can run but you can't hide

BOYNTON BEACH — Todd Barnes found out Wednesday night exactly how far he could get after allegedly stealing a big green construction machine in broad daylight.
Not quite a mile.

At around 7:31 p.m. Wednesday, a resident of the Bermuda Cay Apartments at 611 E. Woolbright Rd., just east of the Intracoastal Waterway, spotted Barnes hopping into a very large green All-Terrain forklift at a nearby construction site and drive away. She called police, who found Barnes trundling northward on Federal Highway in the forklift.
Unlike the smaller forklifts used to move pallets of merchandise, this model weighs 21,600 lbs., and can lift up to 6,000 lbs. of material, such as concrete roofing tiles, up and over a building, according to Sunbelt Rentals, which rents heavy equipment. The forklift, with its large-tread tires and forklift, dwarfed the two police cars that pulled it over.
Barnes told police officers he was moving the forklift to another job site. Checking out Barnes' story, officers found that he did not work for Worth Contracting Inc., the company working at the site, and was not carrying his driver license.
After being charged with grand larceny, trespassing on a construction site and driving with a suspended license, Barnes spent the night in the Palm Beach County Jail.

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Artificial Insemination

Amy, a blonde city girl, marries a Colorado rancher.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy, "The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today."

"I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above the cow's stall in the barn."

"You show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?"

So then the rancher leaves for the fields.

After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.

Amy takes him down to the barn.

They walk along the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one...right here."

Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another dizzy blonde, the man asks, "Tell me lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?"

"That's simple. By the nail over its stall" Amy explains very confidently.

Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?"

She turns and walks away, and with complete confidence, says, "I guess it's to hang your pants on."

Watching Porn...

...Makes You Nearsighted

Small Bits of News You Didn’t Know you Needed

Crook prefers jail to wife
An Italian crook begged to go back to jail after telling wardens life behind bars was better than living with his wife again.
Prison bosses had freed Luigi Folliero, 45, to serve the second year of his two-year sentence for theft under house arrest.
But after just two days at home he fled back to Ponte San Leonardo jail, near Naples, and pleaded to go back in his old cell because he could not stand being at home with his wife.
He told wardens: "She never stops nagging."
Egypt Bans Marriage
The Egyptian authorities have banned a 92-year-old man from marrying a 17-year-old girl, the Egyptian al-Akhbar newspaper has reported.
The ministry of justice invoked a law which says the age gap between spouses should not exceed 25 years.
Egypt brought in the law prohibiting the marriage of elderly men to very young girls during the Gulf oil boom.
It was an effort to prevent wealthy men from the Gulf states seeking young poor brides from the Egyptian countryside.
Not much is known about the 92-year-old man who tried to marry an Egyptian girl of 17 except that he is an Arab from the Gulf.
2 Teenagers were run over after falling asleep in the road
Two Danville teens are recovering from injuries they sustained when they were run over by a car after falling asleep on the street. The 15-year-old boys were trapped under the car for some time, but managed to escape with non-life-threatening injuries. Police say one boy had a punctured lung and a broken bone, and the other had cuts and scrapes.
The two told authorities that they were star-gazing early on Friday morning and fell asleep while lying on a blanket in the middle of the street on a cul de sac. Shortly before 3:30 a.m., a woman delivering newspapers for the San Francisco Chronicle apparently didn't see the boys and drove over them in her Nissan Sentra.
Police Sgt. Phillip Wisotsky said it's illegal to sleep in the street.