Did You Learn These Too?

25 Things I Learned From My Mom
Love your Mamma, for she will give you the tools to build a successful life.
Even though Mother’s Day is still months away, appericiating your mother is always in season.

Here’s why…
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
You better pray that will come out of the carpet.
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
Because I said so, that’s why.
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
Shut your mouth and eat your supper.
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
Stop acting like your father!
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
Just wait until we get home.
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
You are going to get it when you get home!
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.
19. My mother taught me ESP.
Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?
20. My mother taught me HUMOR (so that I could write this blog… ummm yea).
When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
You’re just like your father.
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!

IFH Mondays (NSFW)

A New Drug

Urban Eyesores

Urban Eyesores

Science Fair Experiments.

High School sure has changed since I was in school.

Science Fair

Car Phone

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Good Luck Chuck Trailer

Been better off if I didn't see this

Some Of The Best ‘Out of Office’ Automatic e-mail Replies

1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.
Please be prepared for my mood.
2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office.
If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
3. Sorry to have missed you,
But I’m at the doctor’s having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
4. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation.
Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
5. Thank you for your email.
Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
6. The email server is unable to verify your server connection.
Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again.
7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system.
You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
8. Hi, I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me.
Please wait by your PC for my response.
9. I’ve run away to join a different circus.
10. I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons.
When I return, please refer to me as ‘Kate’ instead of Dave.

Did You Know....

This may look nasty, but its snot