Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Small Bits of News You Didn’t Know you Needed

Man swings his PENIS during argument with neighbor
This took balls, but at least he didn't use a gun. Nope. When a Port St. Lucie guy decided to mix it up with his neighbor, he just swung his penis around.
Here's what happened, according to the police report. The 40-year-old guy was behind his 25-year-old neighbor when that neighbor backed out of his driveway.When the 25-year-old decided to return home, the older guy turned around, too. The younger man told cops when he got out of his vehicle the 40-year-old man threatened him and "threw up some gang signs, pulled out his penis, swung it around" and told him to engage in a lewd act.
The 40-year-old neighbor told police he was doing laundry when the other man said, "Look at the (expletive) doing laundry." He said he wasn't following the younger man and didn't expose himself.
The cop report noted that the guys have an on-going dispute and could benefit from mediation. Yeah, a little medication might help -- and just keeping their pants on.
61-year-old PEES in public on Ocean Breeze Park trailer
A 61-year-old Jensen Beach man was charged with disorderly intoxication and exposing his sexual organs at the Ocean Breeze Park, a mobile home community in Jensen Beach, an arrest affidavit released Sunday states.
According to the report, residents at the mobile home park called the sheriff’s department about a disturbance allegedly caused by Michael Eddings, of the 2700 block of Northeast Hickory Ridge Avenue.
Park residents said he was arguing with people. When investigators arrived at the park, the report said they witnessed Eddings urinating publicly on a home at the park that was not his. The affidavit said Eddings had a strong odor or alcoholic beverage on him, could not maintain a conversation and was "clearly intoxicated."
Drunk driver busted after parking at JAIL
A drunk driver made it easy for deputies to find him a place to stay for the night, when he drove himself to the Bay County Jail, parked in two spaces and stumbled around the parking lot.
According to an incident report from the Bay County Sheriff's Office, a deputy was dispatched to the jail at about 1:10 a.m. Wednesday when a guard reported that he saw a man drive up in the parking lot and take up two spaces.
The deputy wrote in the report that the man smelled of alcohol, had trouble standing and stumbled a couple of times. The man told the deputy he was at the jail to pick up his girlfriend.
The deputy asked if the man had someone else who could come pick him up because of his condition. He answered there was no one, and he would be driving home, the report said.
The 22-year-old man, whose name was blacked out in the report, was placed on a protective custody hold for detoxification. The deputy wrote that he did so "fearing for his safety and the safety of others."
'Dead man' wins readers' votes for DUMBEST criminal of 2008
The man who faked death and a drunken DUI lawyer led the list.
A St. Johns County man figured the only way to stave off a 15-year prison sentence was to fake his own death. On Oct. 27, the day before he was to report for his final court appearance, he left a suicide note, abandoned his boat and convinced a buddy to file a missing-persons report. He camped out in the woods while his plans took root. One problem - he couldn't stay "dead" for long. His return the next night ended with his wife stabbed in the neck. Police soon found him at his mother's home and charged him with attempted murder and armed burglary. Instead of 15 years in jail, Robert Edward Crews is now facing a life sentence.
Top 10 dumbest crooks

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