The Top 10 Signs You've Joined A Cheap HMO

10. Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters.
9. Directions to your doctor's office include, "take a left when you enter the trailer park".
8. Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle.
7. Only proctologist in the plan is Gus from Roto-Rooter.
6. Your "primary care physician" is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.
5. Only item listed under Preventive Care coverage is "an apple a day".
4. "Patient responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges" is not a typo.
3. The only expense covered 100% is embalming.
2. With your last HMO, your Prozac didn't come in different colors with little "m's" on them.

And the Number 1 Sign You've Joined a Cheap HMO.....

1. You ask for Viagra. You get a Popsicle stick and duct tape.