Small Bits of News You Didn’t Know you Needed

Oops! Pirates Captured After Threatening Wrong Ship
From a distance the large ship on the horizon looked like the perfect target, ripe for a successful spot of piracy.
But as Somali pirates sped toward the vessel sailing near the Seychelles Islands on Sunday, they were horrified to see two boats and a helicopter set off from their target and launch their own counter-attack.
They had failed to spot in the dazzling sun, that the "merchant ship" they thought they were intercepting was actually a French naval ship bristling with cannons, radar technology and armed commandos.
When the boats were close enough, Lt. Commander Jean-Marc le Quilliec sent his commandos out on outboards, with a helicopter to provide air support.
The helicopter fired two warning shots to stop the three boats from fleeing and within minutes the 11 pirates had surrendered.
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Elite police in France complain of being used as dog walkers
The 600 officers of the Service de Protection des Hautes Personnalités (SPHP) are selected after grueling physical and psychological tests and trained to defend politicians against terrorism. They form one of France’s most elite police units — but they are fed up with the missions assigned to them: walking the dog, buying the bread or taking the spouse shopping.
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Cat Parasite Affects Everything We Do
Research shows that a certain cat parasite known as "Toxoplasma gondii" affects our behavior and mood in this three-page bullshit research article:
"The parasite has been transmitted indirectly from cats to roughly half the people on the planet, and it has been shown to affect human personalities in different ways. Research has shown that women who are infected with the parasite tend to be warm, outgoing and attentive to others, while infected men tend to be less intelligent and probably a bit boring. But both men and women who are infected are more prone to feeling guilty and insecure."
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Girl finds condom in ‘Happy Meal’
Swiss cops investigate claim 7-year-old girl found condom in French fries
Fribourg, Switzerland - police said they are investigating a 7-year-old girl's discovery of a condom in her McDonald's Happy Meal.
Fribourg state police said the mother called them after the girl discovered the condom among her French fries.
Police said Monday they were investigating where the condom came from and how it got into the Happy Meal. They said an analysis was being done to determine if the condom posed a health risk.
McDonald's in Switzerland declined to comment because of the ongoing investigation.
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Driver painting nails runs red light, kills cyclist
A motorcyclist died near Lake Zurich after being hit by a female motorist who drove through a red light while painting her fingernails, authorities said.
Anita Zaffke, 56, of the 1500 block of Eddy Lane in Lake Zurich, died after suffering apparent chest and abdominal injuries from being thrown 200 feet from her bike about 5:30 p.m. at U.S. 12 at Old McHenry Rd., said Lake County's coroner, Dr. Richard Keller.
Zaffke was stopped at a red light when a Chevy Impala, driven by a woman in her 40s, struck her from behind, said Lake County sheriff's police Sgt. Scott Morrison. Zaffke was wearing a helmet at the time of the crash, officials said.
Keller said the motorist told police she was painting her fingernails at the time of the crash and did not notice the light was red.
The woman, whom police did not identify Sunday night, was cited with failure to reduce speed to avoid an accident, Morrison said. She also was hospitalized after the crash for non-life-threatening injuries.
"The investigation is ongoing, but there should be charges against the woman in the very near future," Morrison said.
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Driving is a PRIVILEGE - not a right.

When driving your car, your eyes needs to be straight ahead. Both hands needs be on the steering wheel. You need to observe speed limits. You need to yield the right of way to pedestrians/other cars. You need to STOP for stop signs and red lights. You need to pull over to the side of the road to allow emergency vehicles to past from both directions.
AND HANG UP THE CELL PHONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Man begs doctors to undo penis enlargement surgery
Just one month after undergoing a penis enlargement surgery, a patient of a Moscow plastic surgery clinic has asked the doctors to restore the original size of his penis.
In February the 40-years-old man, identified as Konstantin F., came to the clinic complaining he was too small, Life.ru website reports Monday.
The man wanted to add an extra two-thirds to his penis and get 25 cm (9.8 inches) instead of his 15 cm (5.9 inches).
The doctors tried to persuade the patient that his penis was ideally sized, warned that he may be unhappy with the results of the surgery, and even showed him a life-sized replica of a 25-cm male organ. But the man stood his ground and demanded the operation.
The surgery was completed in two sessions, and happy Konstantin returned home almost twice as large as he used to be. But in just one month he was back at the clinic again, this time asking to undo the enlargement.
"He said no woman wants to be with him anymore," Life.ru quoted one of the doctors as saying.
"He came here several times, begged us for new surgery, swore he would never be so stupid again."
However it will take six to eight months before a second surgery can be performed.
"If there was a surgery to enlarge brains, we would offer him a free trial," the doctor said.

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Chinese ordered to smoke more to boost economy
Local government officials in China have been ordered to smoke nearly a quarter of a million packs of cigarettes in a move to boost the local economy during the global financial crisis.
The edict, issued by officials in Hubei province in central China, threatens to fine officials who "fail to meet their targets" or are caught smoking rival brands manufactured in neighbouring provinces.
Even local schools have been issued with a smoking quota for teachers, while one village was ordered to purchase 400 cartons of cigarettes a year for its officials, according to the local government's website.
China has 350 million smokers, about a million of whom die each year from smoking-related illnesses. Despite anti-smoking campaigns, cigarette taxes form a major component of China's annual tax-take at local level.

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