A Reporter tries to file a report about soldiers burning MARIJUANA in an open field but the smoke starts to mess him up ( He Gets Stoned ).
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Sunday, November 2, 2008
Two years in jail for James Bond
A fantasist was jailed for two years today after conning police into thinking he was a James Bond-style secret agent.Michael Newitt, 41, was sentenced at Leicester Crown Court for impersonating a police officer and possessing fake ID cards, replica guns and articles of police uniform.
Newitt arrived at Hinckley police station, in Leicestershire, claiming that he was "Commander Newitt" of the Metropolitan Police.
The father-of-five said he was on a counter-terrorism operation in the county and tricked an officer into giving him a new pocket book.
Newitt’s fake ID documents were carried in a leather wallet emblazoned with a crown. The letters CMG - standing for a high-ranking award fictitiously presented to James Bond in the story From Russia with Love - were printed after his name.
Small Bits of News You Didn’t Know you Needed
Man Stuck To Toilet
A 35-year-old man has been taken to hospital stuck to a public toilet after a prankster covered the seat with glue.
The stainless steel lavatory was removed from the cubicle with the man still attached.
An ambulance crew and a rapid response vehicle attended the scene, but failed to free him.
An ambulance service spokesman explained: "The man was using the facilities when he became stuck on the seat. It appears as though someone had left glue on it.
"Despite best efforts it was not possible to remove the 35-year-old local man from his position.
"So, with the help of a local authority and the fire and rescue service, the man was removed from the cubicle still attached to the stainless steel toilet."
He was taken to hospital where a doctor used special chemicals to free him while he was inside the ambulance.
"He appeared to be none the worse for his ordeal other than being understandably somewhat embarrassed," the spokesman said.
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Beer Burglars Busted
Omaha Police arrested three teenagers for burglary early Friday morning, helped by a trail of beer cans to a nearby home.
Officers investigating a robbery at G's Mini Mart at 16th and Fort noticed the door had been pried open and inside a pack of cigarettes on the floor behind the counter. Near the cooler they found a piece of the handle from a case of Bud Light.
Missing from the cooler were two cases of Busch Light and a case each of Bud Light and Keystone beer. A search outside the convenience store turned up a can of cold Bud Light. Officers followed a trail of full beer cans to a nearby house. Inside, they found beer and a crowbar.
Eighteen-year-old’s Mickey Mangan and Kyle Wilson were arrested for burglary and possession of burglary tools. A 16-year-old was also arrested on the same charges. His name was not disclosed due to his age.
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A 35-year-old man has been taken to hospital stuck to a public toilet after a prankster covered the seat with glue.
The stainless steel lavatory was removed from the cubicle with the man still attached.
An ambulance crew and a rapid response vehicle attended the scene, but failed to free him.
An ambulance service spokesman explained: "The man was using the facilities when he became stuck on the seat. It appears as though someone had left glue on it.
"Despite best efforts it was not possible to remove the 35-year-old local man from his position.
"So, with the help of a local authority and the fire and rescue service, the man was removed from the cubicle still attached to the stainless steel toilet."
He was taken to hospital where a doctor used special chemicals to free him while he was inside the ambulance.
"He appeared to be none the worse for his ordeal other than being understandably somewhat embarrassed," the spokesman said.
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Beer Burglars Busted
Omaha Police arrested three teenagers for burglary early Friday morning, helped by a trail of beer cans to a nearby home.
Officers investigating a robbery at G's Mini Mart at 16th and Fort noticed the door had been pried open and inside a pack of cigarettes on the floor behind the counter. Near the cooler they found a piece of the handle from a case of Bud Light.
Missing from the cooler were two cases of Busch Light and a case each of Bud Light and Keystone beer. A search outside the convenience store turned up a can of cold Bud Light. Officers followed a trail of full beer cans to a nearby house. Inside, they found beer and a crowbar.
Eighteen-year-old’s Mickey Mangan and Kyle Wilson were arrested for burglary and possession of burglary tools. A 16-year-old was also arrested on the same charges. His name was not disclosed due to his age.
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FLORIDA NEWS
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Clerk accused of grabbing woman's breast
A woman apparently wanted to buy a few items at a convenience store drive-through.
The clerk apparently wanted to give her more than she paid for.
That could explain why the clerk leaned inside a customer's car, kissed the woman and grabbed her breasts, as reported by Local 6 news.
The clerk then said "very nice" and asked the woman for her address and phone number.
The woman filed a complaint with DeLand police, and the clerk will be charged with battery, according to the cop report.
Evidently, she didn't find it "very nice."
A woman apparently wanted to buy a few items at a convenience store drive-through.
The clerk apparently wanted to give her more than she paid for.
That could explain why the clerk leaned inside a customer's car, kissed the woman and grabbed her breasts, as reported by Local 6 news.
The clerk then said "very nice" and asked the woman for her address and phone number.
The woman filed a complaint with DeLand police, and the clerk will be charged with battery, according to the cop report.
Evidently, she didn't find it "very nice."
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Victoria's Secret thief makes off with over 100 bras
The bra bandit is back.
This time around more than 100 bras vanished, reports tcpalm news.
Someone snatched them from Victoria's Secret at the Indian River Mall in Indian River County.
The theft, worth $4,500, follows at least three other large shoplifting incidents this year.
This one happened while the clerk was helping serveral customers in the back.
If anyone knows something about the abundance of missing bras, one thing is certain. The cops could use your support.
The bra bandit is back.
This time around more than 100 bras vanished, reports tcpalm news.
Someone snatched them from Victoria's Secret at the Indian River Mall in Indian River County.
The theft, worth $4,500, follows at least three other large shoplifting incidents this year.
This one happened while the clerk was helping serveral customers in the back.
If anyone knows something about the abundance of missing bras, one thing is certain. The cops could use your support.
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Dancer: "He grabbed my breast"
Let's review the rules again.
At a strip club, you can look. But not touch.
Nonetheless, cops removed a guy from a Fort Walton Beach "gentleman's club" for his hands-on way doing things.
A Club 10 dancer complained that he grabbed her breast while giving her a tip.
She said she was on her back, accepting a tip from another customer, when the man grabbed her breast and squeezed it.
She said she pushed his hand away and her hand made contact with his face.
Club bosses called the Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office to have him removed from the club.
The 20-year-old told the cops he'd "been having a good time doing the normal thing," when he held a tip out to a dancer's "breast area." He denied touching anyone.
The cop noted that he seemed intoxicated and no wonder he'd been at the club for five hours.
Let's review the rules again.
At a strip club, you can look. But not touch.
Nonetheless, cops removed a guy from a Fort Walton Beach "gentleman's club" for his hands-on way doing things.
A Club 10 dancer complained that he grabbed her breast while giving her a tip.
She said she was on her back, accepting a tip from another customer, when the man grabbed her breast and squeezed it.
She said she pushed his hand away and her hand made contact with his face.
Club bosses called the Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office to have him removed from the club.
The 20-year-old told the cops he'd "been having a good time doing the normal thing," when he held a tip out to a dancer's "breast area." He denied touching anyone.
The cop noted that he seemed intoxicated and no wonder he'd been at the club for five hours.
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Saturday, November 1, 2008
Need a Laugh
Top Ten Reasons Trick-Or-Treating Is Better Than Sex
10. You’re guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don’t have to compliment the person who gave you candy.
6. The person giving you candy doesn’t fantasize you’re someone else.
5. If you get a stomach ache, it won’t last 9 months.
4. If you wear a Batman mask, no one thinks you’re kinky.
3. It doesn’t matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. Less guilt the next morning.
1. If you don’t get what you want, you can always go next door.
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S - H - I - T
A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, "T-G-I-F" (letters only).
He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T" (letters only)."
She looked at him, puzzled, and said, "T-G-I-F" again.
He acknowledged her remark again by answering, "S-H-I-T."
The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly "T-G-I-F" another time.
The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a quizzical expression, "S-H-I-T."
The blond finally decided to explain things, and this time she said, "T-G-I-F, Thank Goodness It’s Friday, get it?"
The man answered, "Sorry, Honey, It’s Thursday."
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Dead Serious
A couple has not been getting along for years, so the husband buys his wife a cemetery plot for her birthday.
Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn’t get her anything.
"Why didn’t you get me a birthday present!?" she asks angrily.
"Are you kidding me?" He replies, "You didn’t use what I got you last year!"
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Be Careful What You Wish For
A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.
During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband’s turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I’d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He turned 90.
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10. You’re guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don’t have to compliment the person who gave you candy.
6. The person giving you candy doesn’t fantasize you’re someone else.
5. If you get a stomach ache, it won’t last 9 months.
4. If you wear a Batman mask, no one thinks you’re kinky.
3. It doesn’t matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. Less guilt the next morning.
1. If you don’t get what you want, you can always go next door.
.
S - H - I - T
A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, "T-G-I-F" (letters only).
He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T" (letters only)."
She looked at him, puzzled, and said, "T-G-I-F" again.
He acknowledged her remark again by answering, "S-H-I-T."
The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly "T-G-I-F" another time.
The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a quizzical expression, "S-H-I-T."
The blond finally decided to explain things, and this time she said, "T-G-I-F, Thank Goodness It’s Friday, get it?"
The man answered, "Sorry, Honey, It’s Thursday."
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Dead Serious
A couple has not been getting along for years, so the husband buys his wife a cemetery plot for her birthday.
Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn’t get her anything.
"Why didn’t you get me a birthday present!?" she asks angrily.
"Are you kidding me?" He replies, "You didn’t use what I got you last year!"
.
Be Careful What You Wish For
A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.
During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband’s turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I’d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He turned 90.
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Assorted Images
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Unhappy Statue.jpg)
How to Serve Chicken Wings!%5B800x600%5D.jpg)
Ultimate Car Protection Award Winning Solution
Spare Tire?
E-mail error ends up on road sign
The English is clear enough to lorry drivers - but the Welsh reads "I am not in the office at the moment. Please send any work to be translated."
Small Bits of News You Didn’t Know you Needed
Tell Me The Truth
A VICAR turned up in agony at a hospital — with a potato stuck up his bottom.
The clergyman told stunned casualty nurses he fell backwards on to his kitchen table while hanging curtains. He happened to be nude at the time of the mishap.
The embarrassed reverend, in his 50s, had to undergo a delicate operation to extract the offending vegetable.
The spud was yesterday revealed to be among a litany of objects medics in Sheffield have removed from people’s nether regions.
Others include a can of deodorant, a cucumber, a Russian doll — and a carnation.
Like most of the other patients, the red-faced vicar insisted to staff at the city’s Northern General Hospital that his predicament was NOT the result of a sex game gone wrong.
A & E nurse Trudi Watson said: "He explained to me, quite sincerely, he had been hanging curtains naked in the kitchen when he fell backwards on to the kitchen table and on to a potato.
"But it’s not for me to question his story.
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Man finds a unwanted condiment with his hot dog bun
North Carolina man found more than just bread when he opened up a bag of hot dog buns. Bruce Van Dyne says "I was cooking dinner and I brought these out and I opened them up."
Bruce says "that it was clearly a mouse."
The rodent's parts he says, pretty easy to make out.
Bruce says "I see the little ears. Clearly that's a tail. I don't know what that is, part of his leg or something, but that mouse is baked in there."
The IBM executive says he doesn't want money from this ordeal, just answers and action.
So he called Arnold bread but says they told him not to call the Concord store where he bought the buns.
Bruce says "she told me, 'ah no, you don't need to call BJ's, just send it back to us.'"
BJ's Wholesale apparently worried, too. They pulled all bread products made at the same Florida factory where these buns came from.
Video, Picture and More
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A VICAR turned up in agony at a hospital — with a potato stuck up his bottom.
The clergyman told stunned casualty nurses he fell backwards on to his kitchen table while hanging curtains. He happened to be nude at the time of the mishap.
The embarrassed reverend, in his 50s, had to undergo a delicate operation to extract the offending vegetable.
The spud was yesterday revealed to be among a litany of objects medics in Sheffield have removed from people’s nether regions.
Others include a can of deodorant, a cucumber, a Russian doll — and a carnation.
Like most of the other patients, the red-faced vicar insisted to staff at the city’s Northern General Hospital that his predicament was NOT the result of a sex game gone wrong.
A & E nurse Trudi Watson said: "He explained to me, quite sincerely, he had been hanging curtains naked in the kitchen when he fell backwards on to the kitchen table and on to a potato.
"But it’s not for me to question his story.
.
Man finds a unwanted condiment with his hot dog bun
North Carolina man found more than just bread when he opened up a bag of hot dog buns. Bruce Van Dyne says "I was cooking dinner and I brought these out and I opened them up."
Bruce says "that it was clearly a mouse."
The rodent's parts he says, pretty easy to make out.
Bruce says "I see the little ears. Clearly that's a tail. I don't know what that is, part of his leg or something, but that mouse is baked in there."
The IBM executive says he doesn't want money from this ordeal, just answers and action.
So he called Arnold bread but says they told him not to call the Concord store where he bought the buns.
Bruce says "she told me, 'ah no, you don't need to call BJ's, just send it back to us.'"
BJ's Wholesale apparently worried, too. They pulled all bread products made at the same Florida factory where these buns came from.
Video, Picture and More
..
I worked at Wonder Bread when I was younger
It is impossible for a mouse to survive the process in one piece.
Especially the slicing part of packaging.
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