.Why Does Shit Always Happen to Me
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Shit Suppose to Happen
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How many saw the Dirty Job episode where a woman's basement contaminated with everyone's poo in the neighborhood. That's not just a "Dirty Job" but a "Nasty Job."
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Monday, February 23, 2009
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Small Bits of News You Didn’t Know you Needed
Bungee jumper survives fall after cord breaks
A Bellevue man was on his second bungee jump from the 200-foot high Canyon Creek Bridge near Yacolt when the cord snapped.
Clark County sheriff's Sgt. Bill Roberts said Mark Afforde fell about 25 feet Thursday and landed in shallow water.
Afforde, 49, was with a group of fellow Boeing workers who were bungee jumping from the canyon bridge in Southwest Washingon. "The first jump was just phenomenal," Afforde said Thursday night outside the hospital, where even doctors were amazed he wasn't seriously injured. Afforde said he couldn't resist a second jump. But, just as he reached the bottom of the canyon, the cord snapped. "I was just along for the ride. I had no idea what was going on," he said. "I heard and saw the snap. I definitely felt the impact, and I was underwater. Once I checked and made certain I could still move and everything was working I felt I needed to get out of the water.
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YouTuber Arrested
A cannabis grower got himself arrested after posting videos of his crop on YouTube.
Officers saw footage on the website documenting the stages of growth at his home in Bridgwater, Somerset.
The 25-year-old man made his arrest even easier after posting the clips under his real name, reports Metro.
Police searched the house and seized one large cannabis plant and hydroponics equipment.
PC Adrian Peck said: "He had been videoing the growth of the plant over a number of months and uploading his horticultural endeavours onto the site to document it - providing us with fairly conclusive evidence.
"The cultivation of cannabis is illegal. If you break the law and are foolish enough to then advertise your criminal activities on the internet, it makes it very easy for the police to catch you."
Police said the cannabis produced by the single plant could have had a potential street value of up to £500. Both the plant and growing equipment will be destroyed.
The man admitted the offence of cultivating cannabis, now a Class B drug, and received an official police warning.
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Bush turns down job at DIY store
George W Bush has turned down his first chance of a new job since leaving the White House - at a hardware store in Dallas.
Elliots store manager Andrea Bond said the former US president entered the Elliott's outlet with his security detail saying "I'm looking for a job.".
The owner of the Texas chain had made the offer earlier this month in a letter published in a Dallas newspaper, reports the BBC.
But despite not yet having a publisher for his memoirs, Mr Bush decided on reflection to turn the job down.
Equipped with a name tag reading 'W', Mr Bush spent an hour there with his secret service security detail, chatting to customers and shopping.
Described as part-time, the job would have left Mr Bush time to work on his presidential library and write about his two terms at the White House.
"We're confident that your experience working in your own family business, as well as your people skills developed throughout years of meeting with foreign dignitaries would make you an excellent candidate for the position," read the job offer, signed by Kyle Walters, president and CEO of Elliott's Hardware.
"Furthermore, like you, many of our greeters are retired from the corporate world, so we're sure you'll have no trouble making new friends."
The employment package also offered parking for his security detail and an employee discount.
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Barman hid takings in oven
A Norfolk barman is in trouble after he cashed up for his boss and hid the £1,000 takings - in a hot oven.
Landlord Martin Talbot had asked Luke Woolston, 19, to cash up at his boozer then put the money in a "safe" place.
He was horrified when Luke texted to say he had put the full till drawer in the switched-on cooker, reports The Sun.
Mr Talbot, 36, said: "He's usually a sensible lad so I trusted him to cash up and conceal the takings away from prying eyes. I thought he was joking when he said he'd stuck the money in the oven.
"But when I got to the kitchen and smelt the burning, I realized he was being serious. I pulled out the plastic till drawer using oven gloves and stared at £1,000 of badly burnt notes. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry."
But he has now forgiven Luke and allowed him to keep his job at The Jolly Farmers in Ormesby.
He said: "I could have screamed and shouted at Luke but it's not really my style. He's worked here for two years and hasn't put a foot wrong until now."
The Bank of England has told him some notes may still be usable if their serial numbers are legible. His insurers also said he may get some cash back.
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Robber picks his weapon of choice. Hint: it's not a water pistol
Man tries to rob pharmacy with machine gun
Really, a simple little gun is sufficient.
It'll kill or just scare the bejesus out of the people you want to rob.
But it wasn't good enough for Joseph Anthony Kalbhenn, 25, of Belleview.
He's accused of using a machine gun in an attempt to rob an Ocala pharmacy.
That's right, a machine gun.
A loaded 9mm Mac 11 machine gun.
Wearing a mask made from pantie hose, gloves and armed with the machine gun, the man demanded prescription drugs -- specifically Oxycontin and Percocet.
But Ocala folks stay cool under pressure.
Byron McClellan, the pharmacist, tried befriending Kalbhenn in hopes that the man would drop his guard.
"He kinda put the gun by his side and that was when I grabbed it and we tussled to the ground," McClellan said.
Instead Kalbhenn jumped up with the weapon in hand and fled.
An employee alerted police who nabbed Machine Gun Kalbhenn.
"I wouldn't never use (the machine gun) for anything or do any harm. I'm not a violent person at all," he said.
.
A Bellevue man was on his second bungee jump from the 200-foot high Canyon Creek Bridge near Yacolt when the cord snapped.
Clark County sheriff's Sgt. Bill Roberts said Mark Afforde fell about 25 feet Thursday and landed in shallow water.
Afforde, 49, was with a group of fellow Boeing workers who were bungee jumping from the canyon bridge in Southwest Washingon. "The first jump was just phenomenal," Afforde said Thursday night outside the hospital, where even doctors were amazed he wasn't seriously injured. Afforde said he couldn't resist a second jump. But, just as he reached the bottom of the canyon, the cord snapped. "I was just along for the ride. I had no idea what was going on," he said. "I heard and saw the snap. I definitely felt the impact, and I was underwater. Once I checked and made certain I could still move and everything was working I felt I needed to get out of the water.
.
YouTuber Arrested
A cannabis grower got himself arrested after posting videos of his crop on YouTube.
Officers saw footage on the website documenting the stages of growth at his home in Bridgwater, Somerset.
The 25-year-old man made his arrest even easier after posting the clips under his real name, reports Metro.
Police searched the house and seized one large cannabis plant and hydroponics equipment.
PC Adrian Peck said: "He had been videoing the growth of the plant over a number of months and uploading his horticultural endeavours onto the site to document it - providing us with fairly conclusive evidence.
"The cultivation of cannabis is illegal. If you break the law and are foolish enough to then advertise your criminal activities on the internet, it makes it very easy for the police to catch you."
Police said the cannabis produced by the single plant could have had a potential street value of up to £500. Both the plant and growing equipment will be destroyed.
The man admitted the offence of cultivating cannabis, now a Class B drug, and received an official police warning.
.
Bush turns down job at DIY store
George W Bush has turned down his first chance of a new job since leaving the White House - at a hardware store in Dallas.
Elliots store manager Andrea Bond said the former US president entered the Elliott's outlet with his security detail saying "I'm looking for a job.".
The owner of the Texas chain had made the offer earlier this month in a letter published in a Dallas newspaper, reports the BBC.
But despite not yet having a publisher for his memoirs, Mr Bush decided on reflection to turn the job down.
Equipped with a name tag reading 'W', Mr Bush spent an hour there with his secret service security detail, chatting to customers and shopping.
Described as part-time, the job would have left Mr Bush time to work on his presidential library and write about his two terms at the White House.
"We're confident that your experience working in your own family business, as well as your people skills developed throughout years of meeting with foreign dignitaries would make you an excellent candidate for the position," read the job offer, signed by Kyle Walters, president and CEO of Elliott's Hardware.
"Furthermore, like you, many of our greeters are retired from the corporate world, so we're sure you'll have no trouble making new friends."
The employment package also offered parking for his security detail and an employee discount.
.
Barman hid takings in oven
A Norfolk barman is in trouble after he cashed up for his boss and hid the £1,000 takings - in a hot oven.
Landlord Martin Talbot had asked Luke Woolston, 19, to cash up at his boozer then put the money in a "safe" place.
He was horrified when Luke texted to say he had put the full till drawer in the switched-on cooker, reports The Sun.
Mr Talbot, 36, said: "He's usually a sensible lad so I trusted him to cash up and conceal the takings away from prying eyes. I thought he was joking when he said he'd stuck the money in the oven.
"But when I got to the kitchen and smelt the burning, I realized he was being serious. I pulled out the plastic till drawer using oven gloves and stared at £1,000 of badly burnt notes. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry."
But he has now forgiven Luke and allowed him to keep his job at The Jolly Farmers in Ormesby.
He said: "I could have screamed and shouted at Luke but it's not really my style. He's worked here for two years and hasn't put a foot wrong until now."
The Bank of England has told him some notes may still be usable if their serial numbers are legible. His insurers also said he may get some cash back.
.
Robber picks his weapon of choice. Hint: it's not a water pistol
Man tries to rob pharmacy with machine gun
Really, a simple little gun is sufficient.
It'll kill or just scare the bejesus out of the people you want to rob.
But it wasn't good enough for Joseph Anthony Kalbhenn, 25, of Belleview.
He's accused of using a machine gun in an attempt to rob an Ocala pharmacy.
That's right, a machine gun.
A loaded 9mm Mac 11 machine gun.
Wearing a mask made from pantie hose, gloves and armed with the machine gun, the man demanded prescription drugs -- specifically Oxycontin and Percocet.
But Ocala folks stay cool under pressure.
Byron McClellan, the pharmacist, tried befriending Kalbhenn in hopes that the man would drop his guard.
"He kinda put the gun by his side and that was when I grabbed it and we tussled to the ground," McClellan said.
Instead Kalbhenn jumped up with the weapon in hand and fled.
An employee alerted police who nabbed Machine Gun Kalbhenn.
"I wouldn't never use (the machine gun) for anything or do any harm. I'm not a violent person at all," he said.
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Tattoo Jim said...
Machine gun boy wasn't a violent person... really stupid, yes, a Darwin Award winner, yes, deserves to get his ass kicked up around his shoulders, yes, but violent, nah!
Machine gun boy wasn't a violent person... really stupid, yes, a Darwin Award winner, yes, deserves to get his ass kicked up around his shoulders, yes, but violent, nah!
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Hell he's just another person that's hooked on pain pills.
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Man makes an error on a jump and breaks his ankles - NSFW
Jumper Breaks Ankles
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Skier Breaks His Ankles
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Skier Breaks His Ankles
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Sunday, February 22, 2009
Urban Assault Anti-Terrorists Terminator Machine
.or UAATTM for short
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I'm sure they maybe one somewhere.
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It has U.S.M.C. on the front fender.
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Go Figure - NSFW
Figure Skating has nothing to do with skating.
It's all to do with what position you like to do your sex.
..
There's just no way around it with that look of disgust.
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Small Bits of News You Didn’t Know you Needed
Man Dead For 20 Years Billed For Phone Sex
A Bellevue, Neb., woman said she was billed for more than $1,000 in phone sex calls that she never made.
Arlene Hald, 86, said she was surprised to receive a bill addressed to her husband, Sylvester, who has been dead for nearly 20 years.
Sylvester Hald never had a credit card, yet an account in his name was charged for phone sex services.
"We knew this was wrong," said Arlene Hald's daughter, Peggy Rytych.
Rytych said she suspected her late father was the victim of identity theft and called Preferred Platinum Plan, the billing company. It agreed to forgive the charges.
"So we thought, 'OK, that's the end of it,'" Rytych said. "Then last week, she got a new bill from them in my dad's name and the same address for another $71.49."
A company representative agreed to remove the latest charge and promised never to bill her again.
Hald and her daughter said they hope the matter is put to rest once and for all.
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Dentist fined for forcibly removal of woman’s teeth
A German court Friday found a dentist guilty of assault for forcibly extracting the dentures from a patient who did not pay a 700-euro (623-pound) bill.
The dentist apologized to the municipal court in Neu-Ulm after he was fined 6,000 euros for going to the woman's home and taking the false teeth from her mouth.
"His lawyer read a statement expressing remorse and he apologized, saying he just blew a fuse because he was under a lot of professional and personal stress," Kolb told Reuters. He was trying to collect 700 euros not covered by her insurance.
The woman appeared in court with no teeth and said she did not want to wear dentures again because of the distress the incident had caused.
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11-Year-Old Boy Kills Future Stepmother, Brother
Body of Kenzie Houk Found by 4-year-old Daughter
Police in Wampum, Pennsylvania, are charging another child with killing an adult just days after the Arizona case of an 9-year-old child who killed two adults was settled. An 11-year-old boy whose name has not been released was charged not only with the homicide of his father's Kenzie Houk, 26, but also the 8-month-old baby she was carrying. Police and relatives, say that the boy was jealous of the unborn child, also a boy, which was due in two weeks. Police say the 11-year-old boy shot the woman who was soon to be his stepmother at around 8 a.m. Friday morning, then boarded his school bus and went to school as if nothing had happened. The body was discovered by Kenzie Houk's 4-year-old daughter later that morning.
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Dog with a phobia of men left stranded
A dog with a phobia of men was stranded for two nights at the foot of an 80ft cliff after refusing help from male rescuers - until a female RSPCA officer was called in to winch him to safety.
Hope was fading that Collie-Huskie cross 'Fox' would be pulled out alive after he growled, barked and backed away from a string of male coastguards who were unsuccessfully winched down to try and save him.
Until, that was, his owner revealed where they were going wrong.
Jane Ravine, 58, said Fox had a hatred of men, so a female RSPCA officer was scrambled to try her luck.
And having touched down in the cove, Fox gleefully jumped into her arms and was safely returned home, shaken but unharmed.
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A Bellevue, Neb., woman said she was billed for more than $1,000 in phone sex calls that she never made.
Arlene Hald, 86, said she was surprised to receive a bill addressed to her husband, Sylvester, who has been dead for nearly 20 years.
Sylvester Hald never had a credit card, yet an account in his name was charged for phone sex services.
"We knew this was wrong," said Arlene Hald's daughter, Peggy Rytych.
Rytych said she suspected her late father was the victim of identity theft and called Preferred Platinum Plan, the billing company. It agreed to forgive the charges.
"So we thought, 'OK, that's the end of it,'" Rytych said. "Then last week, she got a new bill from them in my dad's name and the same address for another $71.49."
A company representative agreed to remove the latest charge and promised never to bill her again.
Hald and her daughter said they hope the matter is put to rest once and for all.
.
Dentist fined for forcibly removal of woman’s teeth
A German court Friday found a dentist guilty of assault for forcibly extracting the dentures from a patient who did not pay a 700-euro (623-pound) bill.
The dentist apologized to the municipal court in Neu-Ulm after he was fined 6,000 euros for going to the woman's home and taking the false teeth from her mouth.
"His lawyer read a statement expressing remorse and he apologized, saying he just blew a fuse because he was under a lot of professional and personal stress," Kolb told Reuters. He was trying to collect 700 euros not covered by her insurance.
The woman appeared in court with no teeth and said she did not want to wear dentures again because of the distress the incident had caused.
.
11-Year-Old Boy Kills Future Stepmother, Brother
Body of Kenzie Houk Found by 4-year-old Daughter
Police in Wampum, Pennsylvania, are charging another child with killing an adult just days after the Arizona case of an 9-year-old child who killed two adults was settled. An 11-year-old boy whose name has not been released was charged not only with the homicide of his father's Kenzie Houk, 26, but also the 8-month-old baby she was carrying. Police and relatives, say that the boy was jealous of the unborn child, also a boy, which was due in two weeks. Police say the 11-year-old boy shot the woman who was soon to be his stepmother at around 8 a.m. Friday morning, then boarded his school bus and went to school as if nothing had happened. The body was discovered by Kenzie Houk's 4-year-old daughter later that morning.
.
Dog with a phobia of men left stranded
A dog with a phobia of men was stranded for two nights at the foot of an 80ft cliff after refusing help from male rescuers - until a female RSPCA officer was called in to winch him to safety.
Hope was fading that Collie-Huskie cross 'Fox' would be pulled out alive after he growled, barked and backed away from a string of male coastguards who were unsuccessfully winched down to try and save him.
Until, that was, his owner revealed where they were going wrong.
Jane Ravine, 58, said Fox had a hatred of men, so a female RSPCA officer was scrambled to try her luck.
And having touched down in the cove, Fox gleefully jumped into her arms and was safely returned home, shaken but unharmed.
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