The two teenagers were arrested for public intoxication and possession of marijuana when they were found smoking a joint while sitting on the edge of the fountain in the town square. The arresting officer told them they were entitled to a phone call, since he was unable to reach either parent. Some time later, a man entered the station and the sergeant said, "I suppose you're the kids' lawyer." "Nope," the man replied. "I'm just here to deliver them a pizza."
A woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked, "Is my time up?"God said "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live." Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, lip enhancement, boob job, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was hit by a truck and killed. Arriving in front of God she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me out of the path of that truck?"
God replied, "I didn't even recognize you!"